I've been around for 22 years, and I've been watching movies since I was not even a year old. I have certain taste in the good, the bad, and the totally absurd. Here, I'm going to provide to you a list of the 10 worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life. Believe me, it wasn't easy to make this list. I need to warn you that a lot of these are really underground, so some you might not recognize. There also might be one or two that you might disagree with. But these are just the 10 worst films in my opinion. So, if you disagree with this list, just live with it.#10 - Animal House (1979)
I've been hearing a lot of people say stuff like, "I love Animal House," or "Animal House is a great movie." And you know what? This movie was even put down as the #1 funniest movie ever made. But not in my neck of the woods. This movie sucks! When I watched it for the first time, I thought it might be good due to the good reviews I've heard, plus it was one of the National Lampoon movies. Being a big fan of the National Lampoon movies, I thought I'd love it, but this movie is nothing like the "Vacation" movies. Chevy Chase is nowhere to be seen in this movie. Instead, I have to see John Belushi and his sick humor. Chevy Chase is really what makes the National Lampoon movies worth watching. Some might say to me, "Well, maybe this was before his time." Saturday Night Live is what launched his career, and he was in the first two seasons of the show's run! This is not a good movie for college students to watch, especially college students who are in danger of failing classes. In real life, getting revenge won't help anything. So just stay away from this movie, unless a friend forces you to watch it with them.#9 - The Brave Little Toaster (1987)
"The Brave Little Toaster" is one of the many animated films of the 80's that was specifically aimed at kids. Now, the 80's were a good era for animated movies. Take a look at such classics like "The Land Before Time" and "The Chipmunk Adventure". Now, this one is just plain weird. Some may actually like this movie, and I gotta admit, it's not really a horrible movie. There were much worse movies like "The Care Bears in Wonderland" and "My Little Pony - The Movie". Anyway, back to "The Brave Little Toaster". Well, the plot is very original, the music is decent, and some of my favorite actors like Jon Lovitz, Thurl Ravenscroft and Phil Hartman are in this movie. The problem is, the movie is just totally messed up. I mean, appliances coming to life, and leaving their old home in search of their owner? Who thinks up that stuff? Well, this movie did come out in the 80's, and a lot of people were drunk during that decade. If this movie came out today, it would most likely have been fully computer animated; that way, everyone can tell that the animators were on the real cutting edge of technology! This is just my reccomendation: just don't waste your time watching this movie, much like I'm wasting my time reviewing it.#8 - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" is supposed to be a movie based on what is arguably the greatest album in the history of rock and roll. The Beatles have made numerous movies. "A Hard Day's Night" and "Yellow Submarine" were excellent movies. "Let it Be" and "Help!" were pretty good. I even find "Magical Mystery Tour" rather interesting. This movie, on the other hand, sucks big time! This movie does not have the real Beatles in it whatsoever. As a matter of fact, this movie came out years after they broke up, so I would be certain that making a movie on one of their best albums without their involvement would be very hard to do. Instead of the Beatles, we've got the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton as the lead characters. There were also some other obscurities in here like Alice Cooper. I guess, they wanted to please a modern day audience by putting in some of the biggest rock stars of the time in this movie. This movie is just plain terrible! There is like no plot to it at all, and it's way too freaking long. There are other Beatles cover songs from other albums on here than the "Sgt. Pepper" album (most of which are from "Abbey Road"). I guess, really the best part of this movie is when Aerosmith performs their cover of "Come Together". You know what? I'm not even going to waste time on this movie anymore. The movie sucks, so don't watch it.#7 - Piniata Survival Island (2002)
"Pinata Survival Island" is a really stupid movie. This movie is about these people trying to survive on an island with all these killer pinatas trying to kill them. These pinatas are really ugly, and they don't even look like pinatas. Have you seen this movie? Do you even realize how hideous they are? They're almost as ugly as that pinata from "The Three Caballeros". The only difference is that "The Three Caballeros" was entertaining; this is just a piece of crap. Who comes up with stuff like this? Pinatas that want to kill you. The people who made this movie must have been on hallucinigetic drugs when they made this movie. So in summary, the moral is: Just say "no" to drugs, and say "no" to this awful movie.#6 - Casper: A Spirited Beginning (1997)
1997 was quite a year for entertainment. The saddest thing I remember about this year is that Princess Diana died (painful memory, I know). Besides that point, it was an excellent year for television. This was the year such great shows premeired like "South Park", "The Angry Beavers" and "101 Dalmatians: The Series". It was also an awesome year for video games like "Star Fox 64". The music world had it's good points too, when artists like Chumbawumba, Radiohead and Third Eye Blind released huge selling albums. However, this was not a good year for movies, and my example is this one. "Casper: A Spirited Beginning" is one of the crappiest movies I have ever seen. Now Casper is a classic cartoon character, and in 1995, a live-action "Casper" movie was made, and that was a decent movie, but they didn't need to make any more! Especially not this piece of garbage! The CG effects on this movie are so poorly-made, especially at the beginning. The opening credits to this movie (which don't ever seem to end) are extremely nauseating! Also, this movie has terrible acting. The jokes are lame, and the physical comedy is quite disturbing. Man, what a movie this is. What a load of rubbish this movie is! If time travel ever becomes possible, I'd go back in time to prevent this movie from being made! I'd rather have 2 hours worth of diarhea than watch this awful piece of crap! It's lame, it sucks, it blows, it makes me sick...and I don't like it.
#5 - Shark Attack 2 (2001)
The series of "Shark Attack" movies are just lame wannabe versions of the classic "Jaws" movies. I happened to watch this movie when it came on TV, and it was awful! The way they made the sharks is so uncreative. The sharks in this movie growl. That's right, they growl. Have you ever heard a shark growl? Neither have I. Also, the acting in this movie is very bad. There's this woman in the cast who is always screaming, "Oh my God!" She says it so often, and it gets annoying! I haven't seen the first "Shark Attack", but I don't think I even want to. I mean, the first "Shark Attack" is probably better than this one, since originals are usually a lot better than the sequels anyway, but judging how horrible this movie is, I think it's best to just stay away from it. Anyway, the movie sucks, so don't watch it; I suggest you watch "Jaws" instead.#4 - Moonraker (1979)
He's Bond. James Bond. He's the star of about 22 movies, and there were four different actors who potrayed the character. The Bond movies that starred Sean Connery are arguably the best. The Timothy Dalton movies are just as good. The Pierce Brosnan movies are pretty good too. The movies with Roger Moore, however, are horrible. For example, here's one of the James Bond movies that starred Roger Moore. "Moonraker" is a symbolic for stupidity. I mean, this movie just doesn't make any sense. A lot of the scenery, costumes and props in this movie are just 100% disturbing, and most of the action in this movie is so freaking corny. If I had all the James Bond movies on DVD and I were to stack them up in order from best to worst, this one would hands down be at the bottom of the barrel. This is, by all means, the worst James Bond movie ever. This awful piece of crap is nothing but an insult to James Bond. I mean, if you're a big James Bond fan, and you want to have some, but not all of the James Bond movies in your collection, then you're cool to own the classic movies like "Dr. No", "The Spy Who Loved Me" or "Goldfinger", but by all means, do yourself a favor and stay away from this awful load of rubbish.#3 - How to Make a Monster (1958)
"How to Make a Monster" is one of those movies that's just way too hard to describe. I mean, I have never seen this movie all the way through, but I've seen enough of it to get the idea of it being nothing but a piece of crap. It's like the corniness of all the terrible black and white monster movies all mixed into one. What makes this movie so confusing is the fact that it alternates from black and white to color. Well, it's not like that hasn't been done before in "The Wizard of Oz". You know what? I'm not even going to go on. This movie is just so awful that I can't think of any other way to describe it. So I'm done. Let's just move on to the next one.#2 - Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
This movie is bad. As a matter of fact, this movie is so bad that even the sound of the movie's title can strike fear into the hearts of men. That's right. I'm talking about "Manos: The Hands of Fate"! It actually surprises me, the fact that so many people actually no about this movie. It's just so bad that I don't think anyone ever went to see it at the theatres at all! Words can't describe how terrible this movie is! I guess a lot of people know about it because it's one of the most famous movies to ever be shown on "Mystery Science Theatre 3000". I heard that all the actors on this movie did nothing else with their lives after filming this movie, and I think some of them actually comitted suicide after it was filmed. Well, believe me, if I was in the cast of this movie, I would have done the same thing! So just do me a huge favor. If you ever get the urge to watch this load of garbage, by all means, watch the MST3K version. If you watch the MST3K version, you'll get a kick out of it, but if you watch it just plain, it'll give you nightmares! There is, however, one good thing about this movie. It fits in the microwave.#1 - Maniac (1934)
"Manos: The Hands of Fate" may be a bad movie, but that movie is God compared to "Maniac"! This movie is the pinnacle of bad movies. I'm sure you've seen a lot of bad movies, but this is the mother of all bad movies! Most bad movies are just bad because of their obscurity like "The Brave Little Toaster" or "Casper: A Spirited Beginning", but as rare and obscure as "Maniac" is, once you watch it, you'll be haunted for the rest of your life! After watching it for the first time, I was traumatized. I can't believe how bad this movie is. Hear the sincerity in my words...THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE!!! Anything is better than this movie! It makes no sense at all! I mean, what were they thinking? This movie is so bad that I'm not even going to tell you about it. If you are curious enough to watch this movie, just do yourself a favor and don't. Just stay away from this awful piece of crap. Don't buy it no matter how cheap it is. Don't even rent it. Don't even look for it on YouTube. No matter how curious you may be, just don't ever watch it, because if you do, you'll want to go back in time to the day you watched it and just kill yourself. If you ever do buy it on DVD, just smash it into little pieces and flush them all down the toilet! That movie is so horrible, and I am not kidding. I AM DEAD SERIOUS!
And there you have it. My list of what I believe are the Top 10 Worst Movies Ever Made. I'd like to give a special thanks to the Angry Nintendo Nerd for inspiring me to come up with the idea to do this. You can visit his website at www.screwattack.com/AngryNintendoNerd.html, and you'll see that I used a similar review style to his, except I tried to watch my profanity. So I guess that list could satisfy your curiosity as to what movies I hate the most.