Christmas, Are You Kidding Me?

It's never too early for a Christmas...Sad, isn't it?
September 30, 2008
Alright, here's the situation.

It's a late September day, and I'm watching TV. I've settled on one channel as a brief respite before resuming the surfing on this late September day. As I'm watching the commercials on this late September day, I saw a commercial that shook me.

Yes, on this late September day, I saw a commercial for the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. If I could divide it up, I would say that 3/4 of me was shocked and 1/4 saw it coming.

Yes, the Christmas season is upon us...It just hasn't gotten all that big yet. Give it about a month or so, and things will stir up. I first noticed this when I started working at Wal-Mart.

On my breaks, I'll walk around the store, sometimes to buy something, but more often than not, just to get the blood flowing before I head back out. It was about 2 or 3 years in that I really started noticing Christmas stuff going up in November. From Christmas trees to Bing Crosby CDs, inside and outside the store, it was getting to be that time before it actually was that time.

A lot of it is about money, but at the same time, I feel that the reason why retail gets the Christmas stuff out so soon is because they can sense time going fast just as much as we can sense it. It's part of growing up...When I was younger, Christmas seemed like it was months away. Now that I'm an adult, the days are zooming by.

TV doesn't help matters, either.

When you watch a lot of TV, you notice that a lot of movies air over and over again. Two of the biggest movies in that respect are "Die Hard" and (you knew I was going to mention it) "Lethal Weapon".

Not many people may think of these as Christmas movies, but they are...They're just very unconventional ones.

The first "Die Hard" is very Christmas-oriented. The first song you hear on the soundtrack is "Christmas In Hollis" by Run-DMC while the last song you hear is "Let It Snow" by Dean Martin. In-between all of that, you see (for example):

-Christmas decorations throughout Nakatomi Plaza.

-John McClane's (Bruce Willis) daughter Lucy (Taylor Fry) asking her mother and his estranged wife (Holly) about whether John will be coming home with her. Holly's response? "We'll see what Santa and Mommy can do".

-One of Hans Gruber's (Alan Rickman) dead and wearing a sign saying "Ho, ho, ho, Now I have a gun!"

-Gruber (in his American voice) and McClane having a conversation about what's going on the building, with several Christmas references being made (McClane: "I got invited to the Christmas party by mistake...[Drag on cigarette] Who knew?")

Other references abound in this movie. Because of its' popularity, it gets a lot of play on various channels. It's become a particular favorite on the Turner networks (TNT and TBS) in recent months, and that's what gets me. It's a wonderful movie, as I've talked about several times, but it's just too Christmasy to be enjoying this early in the year.

The case is more pronounced with "Lethal Weapon".

It begins with Amanda Hunsaker (Jackie Swanson), the daughter of Roger Murtaugh's (Danny Glover) army buddy Michael (Tom Atkins) snorting coke to the sounds of Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock" before defenstrating onto a parked car.

We then see several men dressed as Santa appearing all throughout the movie.

Later on in the movie, Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) goes running down a busy road in an effort to take out some of the drug dealers. You can see Christmas decorations hanging all over the street.

After the final melee, Riggs has dinner with the Murtaughs and as the camera pulls away, we hear Elvis' version of "I'll Be Home For Christmas".

This is another movie I adore (I've mentioned it in about a 5th or so of my articles), but as much as I love it, this is another movie that I feel is too early to be viewing.

I think the logic behind the frequent airings of these two movies is that they're quality films that hold up throughout the years. The action and laughs resound with audiences old and young alike. If you take a look, though, these technically are Christmas movies. As much as I love them, I want to wait until a certain time to watch them.

Once again, it's the matter of time speeding by. It has been a long time since these 2 movies were released ("Lethal Weapon" is 21 years old this year, while "Die Hard" celebrates its' 20th anniversary this year), and both movies have elements of time within them. McClane feels that time spent without his wife can take too long, while Riggs remembers his wife's death like it was yesterday.

Time is the clock of the heart, as Culture Club once put it. The memories, good and bad, are always around. That's what it's like at Christmas time...On Christmas Eve, I, my Mom and my brother visit my Aunt Janet and Uncle John. We eat and we laugh...For the most part. My uncle can get a little drunk, though, and when he does, things get sad. He remembers family issues and mourns for my father. They had gotten along quite well. That's one aspect of the holidays that is rather painful...Remembering friends and family who have departed from this stead. That's one thing that I wish WOULD go fast, but the pain never does.

We can take our minds off it, though, with a good laugh and that leads me to the final part of my article. Christmas comes really fast, but it's instant with the help of sites like South Park Studios.

They offer easy access to all the episodes of the show, and no one can do a Christmas show like they can.

I don't mind this, if only because I've been a "South Park" fan for a long time. The show is just so out there that even the Christmas episodes seem like everyday ones.

My personal favorite Christmas episode is "Woodland Critter Christmas".

I have a dark sense of humor, as I've explained in previous articles. As I watch Christmas come faster and faster, I can't help but think that something demonic is going on. That demonic thing is, once again, time. This episode of "South Park", where Stan (voiced by Trey Parker) inadvertently helps a group of Satan-worshipping animals, has Stan trying to figure out a way to stop the animals from bringing on their apocalypse.

I often see the customers as animals. No, not Satan-worshiping animals, but animals as in ferocious, looking to knock each other out in favor of the toys and the trees and other things. This all loops back to my retail job...Things can get rather hectic.

Christmas has a factor of relaxation to it...Or at least it's supposed to. As time keeps on moving, the relaxation slips to the side. After all, how can you relax when you see Christmas trees on your TV in September?

I guess this isn't just about Christmas...It's about life in general. It seems like just yesterday that I was in school, waiting for that Winter break so I could relax and enjoy my presents. Now here I am, an adult, and things just keep going in circles.

Maybe the reason why Christmas seems to be coming early is because the world is rough, and we need some respite from the news that makes it seem like the world is going to Hell in a handbasket. If that's the case, then maybe I don't feel so bad. If it offers us even a few moments of relief, then maybe an early Christmas isn't so bad.

I don't know whether to say "God Bless us, every one" or "God help us, every one", but whatever comes, I hope we all have a Merry Christmas. I just wish it didn't come so fast.

So, any thoughts, guys?
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