"Sorry folks we're closed for 2 weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. SORRY! HUU HUU HUU!"
"I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun."
"Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!"
"I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit"
"Dad, you want an Asprin?"
"Exscuse me Sir? Can you tell us how to get back to the freeway?"
"F*@#% Yo Mamma!"
"Thank You Very Much."
"Wow, dad you must have dropped this thing by 50 yards...."
"I don't think that was possible, Russ
*Clark looks around and mumbles to himself*"
"[After the crash in Arizona...]
I think I broke my nose"
"I stabbed my brain."
"I just got my period."
ellen and Audrey:
"Ellen: Hope you learned an important lesson here kids.
Audrey: Yeah don't die unless somebody's home.
-ellen and Audrey"
"Well am I gonna eat or am I gonna starve to death?
"Poor little fella, after the first ten miles or so he tried to keep up with ya, but after that....(shrugs)
John Candy as the security guard:
"Sorry folks, parks closed....the moose out front should have told ya.
-John Candy as the security guard"
aunt Edna & Ellen:
"Aunt Edna: You are the ones that sent me that fruit cake for Christmas. It made me so sick. Ellen: Were sorry we thought you enjoyed fruit cake. Aunt Edna: You enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
-aunt Edna & Ellen"
Clark, Rusty and Audry:
"When I said where do you wanna go on vacation, where did you say? Rusty?
Clark: Shut up Rus, Audry?
Audry: Walley World Dad?
Clark: Walley World Dad!
-Clark, Rusty and Audry"
"When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.
"They're all wet... Oh God!... The dog wet on the picnic basket.
"Find a bush, Audrey!