Meanwhile Dracula thinks he's drugged Wolfman, but Wolfman escapes. He runs to the nearest phone booth and calls Sean's dad to warn him that Dracula is coming to kill his son, then the moonlight hits and transforms him into a werewolf.
The club splits into 2 teams. Team 1 is Fat Kid, Eugene, Sean, and Frankenstein. On their way to Shadowbrook Road, they make a pit stop at the swamp where Eugene looses a Twinkie to the Creature. Team 2, consisting of Rudy and Patrick, stay behind and question Patrick's sister about her sex life, specifically whether or not she's "been dorked." Using the nude photo as black mail, she agrees to help them with their monster ceremony. And here we see, for the first time ever on the internet... what's on the photograph Rudy flashes to Patrick's sister...
<img src="http://www.retrojunk.com/img/art-images/monster14.gif" width="221" height="150" border="0">
It appears to be a photo of a blonde girl wearing a black tank top and shorts standing in front of a house. What a huge disappointment to all the boys that wore out the "pause" button on their VCRs in hopes of seeing some boobies.
<img src="http://www.retrojunk.com/img/art-images/msquad01.gif" width="100" height="100" border="0">
Team 1 arrives at the house and goes inside just as Dracula blows a hole in the wall to get to the hidden amulet. The blast causes the ceiling to fall in on Frankenstein and crushes him. They go on without him, but are attacked by the Wolfman. Sean gives direct orders to kick Wolfman in the nards, and Fat Kid follows through.
They avoid 3 banshees, Dracula, and the wolfman then are backed up against the trick statue, pull the arm, and go flying around to the secret room like some exciting Hardy Boys adventure. They grab the amulet and try to run, but Dracula seizes Sean and is ready for the kill when... SAVE BY FAT KID! He pulls some leftover garlic pizza out of his pocket and slams it against Dracula. The burn of the garlic causes him to let go of Sean, and they all run for their lives.
Out front, a jeep pulls up with the gang and Scary German Guy. They run off to the church, but hit the Mummy on the way. Rudy ties his bandages to an arrow, and shoots it off against a tree, thus unraveling the Mummy.
Dracula arrives at the Monster Squad clubhouse, and blows the fucker to smithereens. Next he tells Sean's parents he intends to kill their son, and flies off. I suppose they shouldn't really worry. After all, science is real and monsters are not. There should be a scene right about now in the movie where the monsters ransack the school and burn down the science department right in front of the principal's eyes.
The church is locked, and the Squad tries to perform the ceremony outside. Rudy is busy fragging some banshees. Sean's dad manages to shoot Bat Dracula, then corners him in an abandoned building, ready to strike, but is attacked by the Wolfman. Sean sneaks up behind the wolfman, puts dynamite in his pants, and he falls out a window and explodes into a million tiny pieces.
<img src="http://www.retrojunk.com/img/art-images/msquad02.gif" width="100" height="100" border="0">
Patrick's sister finishes the ceremony and..... nothing. She's not really a virgin, she had sex with some guy named Steve, but says he doesn't count. Who knew ancient ceremonies were so picky about their virgins? I guess they still count anal. Luckily, Phoebe is with, and begins to repeat the German ceremony with help from the Scary German Guy.
The Wolfman reconnects himself only to be properly killed by Rudy's silver bullet. See, there's only one way to kill a werewolf. Fat Kid is running from the Gillman. He tries to hide in a store, but it's locked with EJ inside and he refuses to let Fat Kid in. Fat Kid grabs a nearby shotgun, and blows the head off of the monster. EJ comes out from hiding with a, "Hey Fat Kid... Good Job!" Fat Kid cocks his gun and replies, "My NAME... is HORACE!" DUN DUN DUN!!!
Dracula tries to interfere with the ceremony, being aided by bad lightening effects circling around him. He grabs Phoebe screaming, "GIVE ME THE AMULET, YOU BITCH!" Oh no he didn't! Frankie attacks from behind, picks the Count up, and throws him onto a metal spike. That's ONE! One vampire on a metal spike! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Finally the ceremony is complete. The portal opens, and sucks in everything like a tornado. Including poor Frankenstein, so Phoebe tosses him her stuffed puppy, Scraps, for comfort. Then everyone gets together and hugs. And here comes the cavalry.
"Who's Eugene? Where are they son, where are the monsters?"
"Mummy came in my house."
Can someone tell him what the sam hell is going on around here? They can.... they're the Monster Squad. Mo-mo-mo-mo-Monster Squad!
[/size]This article is dedicated to Brent Chalem (Fat Kid) who died Dec 9, 1997 of pneumonia. May heaven be filled with Snickers and pie, and devoid of monsters. For other great 80s lore, check out mystiesplace.com.