9 Things 90's Kids Realize Now

A nostalgic look back at the 90's with our new found wisdom.
September 29, 2010

Yep, you read it right! Shredder's voice on the animated series should sound familiar because it's actually Judge Phillip Banks. If you watched both the Fresh Prince & Ninja Turtles and you never realized this, you are NOT alone! Just now discovering that Uncle Phil is the diabolical Shredder is what I'd imagine finding out at 22 that you've been adopted your whole life is like. Bad comparison, huh? Yeah, finding out you're adopted wouldn't be half as riveting.

The Pink Ranger was one fine ass yummy. Rita Repulsa would throw her big wand and yell, "Make my monster grow!" while the Pink Ranger would wear those jean shorts and "make our little monsters grow". She was responsible for many young fella's very first sexual thoughts. Unfortunately, the Green Ranger was bumping uglies with her. Don't believe me? Watch the episodes now, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife or Dragon Sword.

Watching the Lion King as a kid, Mufasa being killed in a stampede was the first time I'd ever seen tragedy strike. In the history of kid movies, has there EVER been a more unexpected, bummer of a death? I personally was pretty screwed up after this. I spent a good 3 weeks in a small depression, sitting in my room alone and not eating my Fruit Loops at breakfast. Disturbing Disney deaths would appear again 4 years later in Mulan when the villain, Shan-Yu would be blown up in a building full of fireworks and chunks of his burning flesh fell to a celebration below. Yeah' And that's rated G.

The morning after pill, whiteout, tape, glue, Ctrl+Z these are some of the great quick fixes in the world. BUT, none of them compare to simply blowing. That's right, all it took was a huff, a puff and a blow into the cartridge and BOOM, it magically worked. Try blowing on your Call of Duty disc when it's scratched, see if it works any better (heads up, it won't)

There were some creepy moments on the show but two specific ones take the cake. First, there was an episode where Chucky keeps experiencing a series of nightmares. At the end of the show his father Chazz puts Chuck to sleep, enters the living room and sees a figure that appears to be Stu. When the figure turns around it has a distorted face and exclaims the infamous line, "I'm not Stu" This FREAKED ME OUT big time as a kid. The second time was an episode where Angelica's parents told her they might be having a second child. Angelica then dreamed she was having a brother who was freakishly big and chased her around in what was another very eerie showing. For a cartoon that wasn't trying to scare me, Rugrats succeeded in doing so occasionally.

The girl made a shrine dedicated to Arnold including a gum sculpture and that alone justifies my statement. But to elaborate further, she was constantly following Arnold around and cutting him down with insults, mainly referring to him as "football head". Personally, I don't think it's just a crush. I see an aggressive, malicious, extreme fascination and realistically, Helga has psycho tendencies. If Arnold knew the potential level of danger he's in every time he hangs around Helga, I'm certain a restraining order would be intact. Maybe if she shaved her unibrow and stopped acting like a dude, Arnold would give her a second look.

The shoes lit up. THEY F****** LIT UP! As a kid, if something lights up and it's not a lamp, it's automatically labeled cool. I remember feeling like a bad ass at recess, not because I had great confidence, but because my shoes had lights in 'em which made me better than you. Unless someone invents a shoe that dispenses ice cream sandwiches and plays Bob Marley every time you take a step the LA Lights shoes will be second to none.

Doug Funny put an undeserving Patty on a pedestal. That's right, Patty Mayonnaise is arguably the most overrated piece of cartoon ass that I've ever seen. Doug was always willing to do anything Patty wanted at the drop of a dime and I never understood why. I know it's difficult to judge a cartoon by her looks but there is a massive list of female cartoon characters that were far more aesthetically pleasing. C'mon, Doug you're better than that.

If you grew up in the 90's, surely you played & mastered Mortal Kombat. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I was a fierce competitor and tough match-up when it came to this game. Kids today have fighting games with nice graphics and fancy controls, which is cool BUT I could kick your ass with 4 buttons and an arrow pad no control sticks necessary. Now-a-day I see a lot of button mashers prosper and it's really rasps my berries.
An unhandled error has occurred. Reload Dismiss