Creepshow 2

“The Creep”, a rotting ghoul, delivers his latest issues of “Creepshow” comics to a local newsstand.
By eep
October 11, 2005
Creepshow 2

Welcome back to Maine, vacationland. Here “The Creep”, a rotting ghoul, delivers his latest issues of “Creepshow” comics to a local newsstand. Billy, an avid reader, waits behind “The Creep’s” truck to receive the very first copy.

“The Creep” knows Billy very well and suggests that he leave the area quickly before the town’s bullies catch up with him. As “The Creep” invites the audience to continue watching, I also invite you to read the rest of this damn review…so you better enjoy or I’ll get a Venus flytrap on you…whoops!

Creepshow 2 was produced in the good old 80’s. A time of…well I explained in the Nightmare on Elm Street NES game review. Now, don’t think I didn’t like the first Creepshow, but I felt it would be much faster and easier for me to just pop in the second on DVD rather than the first VHS (I’m also too lazy). The only downfall with this DVD is that it’s been bought out by Top Ten Media Production, a company solely based on popping OLD VHS tapes in Phillips DVD recorders and selling them to whom ever cares to buy. Ingrid (my girlfriend) pointed out the first clue when the option “Start Movie” was spelled, “Strat Movie.” The second is when the Lakeshore Entertainment logo popped up on the screen. Lakeshore Entertainment had nothing to do with the series…

Without further complaints about the DVD production, I shall begin ranting about the actual movie.

The movie shifts through credits and at last opens with an animation of “The Creep’s’” humble abode. He speaks in puns and dry humor for about a solid minute before he introduces the first story…”Old Chief Wooden Head.”

The opening scene starts with the fat old guy from the Naked Gun series singing and painting his wooden Indian on his Arizona desert store front. Now, of course the viewers have no clue who the hell he is and why anyone should care, so the genius writers had an idea…they explained the whole entire past of this man and his wife through a run down conversation. It’s not very common in today’s world, but maybe it was in the 80’s. For instance, each character that comes into scene is called upon by name and oddly enough, the relation. “Martha, me and the chief been sitting on this porch for more than thirty years.” Martha replies, “I’m not asking you to move Ray, I wouldn’t want to move myself.” Later the couple talks about how the store is there for their family and how the business for the last few weeks have been thin.

An old Indian wise man, “Chief Cheap and stuff” rolls by the store in his “whip” to enlighten Ray of his debt to the store and won’t be able to pay for another two more years. The Chief hands over some “Ancient Indian jewels” as collateral to reassure Ray that payment will eventually come. Ray accepts the jewels and walks the Chief out. Gets me all sentimental and teary eyed…Time for blood, gore and monsters!!!

Well, no monsters in this story, just a good old fashion robbery and Indians…YEEHAW!

“Lil’ Bitch Hair”, “Rich boy” and the fat guy that looks like Francis’ Buxton from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure rob Ray and Martha’s store of all their money and potatoes.

The fat guy that looks like Francis’ Buxton from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure tries to eat everything in the store, “Rich boy” does rich stuff and “Lil’ Bitch Hair” combs his hair in Ray’s store photo booth. Martha gets all prissy and begins to act like the super hero and gets shot in the face. Ray hands over the last of his money and “Chief Cheap and Stuff’s” jewels as refuge for his life, but also gets shot in his face.

As “Lil’ Bitch Hair", “Rich boy” and the fat guy that looks like Francis’ Buxton from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure step out of the store, “Lil’ Bitch Hair” decides to shoot the Wooden Indian…bad move “Lil’ Bitch Hair.”

The Wooden Indian comes to life and enters the fat guy that looks like Francis’ Buxton from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure”’s trailer park. The fat guy that looks like Francis’ Buxton from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” is obviously eating in the trailer as The Wooden Indian shoots arrows into his chest, throat and forehead. Slight visual stimulation, but could easily be tainted by the horrible 80’s guitar riff played in the background. This killing scene wasn’t that great, but “Rich boy’s” is awesome!

“Rich boy” tries his best to sneak out of his house, entering his garage…but he didn’t expect…THE WOODEN INDIAN!!! MUHAHAHHAH!!!

Last but not least, “Lil’ Bitch Hair.” In the mirror combing his hair and feeling pretty, the last thing “Lil’ Bitch Hair” expected was a visit from…THE WOODEN INDIAN!!! MUHAHAHHAH!!! Eh! He just scalps him.

Finally, the story comes to an end. The Wooden Indian returns “Chief Cheap and Stuff’s” jewels and rests upon the store front porch once more. What’s the moral of this story? Wooden Indians are SCARY…and hold CIGARS!!! BOO!!!

As a kid I remembered I hated that story and till this day I still hate this one…

Movie shifts back to animation. Billy had just finished reading,”Old Chief Wooden Head” while waiting for his Creepshow package at the post office. The teller insults Billy by suggesting he should stop reading his funny paper and quit ordering toys from it. Billy explains that Creepshow isn’t a funny paper and the package didn’t have a toy but a Venus flytrap bulb instead. The teller has no clue what a Venus flytrap is, and assumes Billy had just said Tulip bulb. Billy sighs and walks out.

“The Creep” opens a new teller’s window in the post office and is shocked that the viewers are still watching. He invites us for another “splintering tale” that’s “whittled” from the same “worm wood” as ”Old Chief Wooden Head” had been. No pun intend. He presents…”The Raft.”

Scene opens with a sports car racing down a snake like road and begins dialog…

Yes, “[He] feels the need…the need for weed” folks. Smoking pot at one hundred mph at two in the afternoon is a perfect way to start the day. We have four college aged kids in the car, smoking pot and talking about a raft on some lake that one of them had seen a few weeks back on a class trip. This was a "road trip"...A fifty mile road trip to the lake! The plan was to get laid on the raft with the two stereotype movie girls of the 80’s…the crazy loose punk girl and the low-key girl brain that turns out to be the punkiest of them all. Gets me all sentimental and teary eyed…Time for blood, gore and monsters!!!

Oh yes, an oil-slick monster that eats ducks!!! I can’t wait until it eats that them there kids. I still got some teenage angst! KILL THOSE JOCKS OIL-SLICK MONSTER! KILL!!! MUHAHAH!
As the four swim out to the raft, one of the guys, Randy, notices the oil-slick. Stumped as to what it, he still takes it into account that a duck had been swallowed by it and swims faster to the raft. “Swim faster my hot sexy Hunnies!” Randy screams out to the girls. They make it to the raft just in time to smoke more pot. Deek, wearing only a Speedo, some how takes out two joints, a cigarette and a lighter out of this tiny underwear bathing suit and begins smoking. Now, lets pretend he in fact could hold these items in his panties, how do you explain the bone dry paper wrapped items he lit with his lighter?! I know! It was “Chief Wooden Head’s” special blunt wraps and “Magical Ancient Indian lighter.”

Randy tries to explain to Deek that the Oil-slick monster in the lake isn’t an oil-slick at all. He gives details about how he used to go to Cape Cod and clean ducks and sheep that were caught up in the gunk. “Oil-slicks are an accident, this looks like it’s…on purpose!” Deek explains his view on the situation…”I don’t believe in Oil-slicks.” KILL THOSE JOCKS OIL-SLICK MONSTER! KILL!!! MUHAHAH!

Rachael, the low-key girl, pokes her cigarette at the Oil-slick Monster, and gets sucked into the water. She screams as if it’s burning and melting her skin off. So awesome! The three freak and plan on swimming back to shore. Randy assumes that the Oil-slick is faster and could easily catch up. Deek doesn’t want to hear this. He tries to make a getaway…Sorry!

The Oil-slick Monster had grabbed Deek from in between the cracks in the raft. Lavern, the crazy loose punk girl, becomes hysterical and jumps into Randy’s arms. Randy figures out that he must stand on the boards without the cracks to stay clear of the Oil-slick Monster. Lavern is told to do the same if she wanted to stay alive…she does.

They take shifts watching the Oil-slick Monster as each rest through the night, but both eventually fall asleep.

Sunrise. Randy awakes with morning wood and thoughts of molesting Lavern emerge. Wanting to see boobies and cope a feel, Randy lays Lavern down across the raft and lifts her shirt. Abusing his shift of watching the Oil-slick Monster‘s moves to feel some breast, he overlooks the Oil-slick Monster slithering through the cracks grabbing Lavern’s face. YES!!!

Randy’s going to barf!! He makes for his get away. Swimming as fast as a blind two year old paraplegic, he some how makes it to shore. “I BEAT YOU!” he screams at the Oil-slick Monster, as it jumps out of the water and pulls Randy in. YES!!!

Finally, the story comes to an end. With a loud belch from the Oil-slick Monster, the camera pans behind a large bush that hides a sign…”No Swimming.” What’s the moral of this story? Oil-Slicks are SCARY…ON WEED!!! BOO!!!

As a kid I remembered loving this story. It had gore, jocks kicking themselves in the face, oil-slicks and boobs.

Movie shifts back to animation. Short view of the bullies “The Creep” warned Billy about and a short story of the torment he receives from them.

“The Creep” makes it very clear that the next “chilling tale” is the last one for this issue by he left the best for last. Yeah right. “The Creep” presents…”The Hitchhiker.”

I hated the first ten minutes of this story as a kid and I hate it now…a ten minute story in short: Rich woman sleeps with male hooker; power went out in neighborhood; digital clocks reset; over slept; running late; might get caught by husband; woman drives home in hurry to beat husband home; woman hits hitchhiker…end of ten minutes.

Wow, now that I think of it, those ten minutes could have been summed up into three. Oh well. The woman hits a hitchhiker, but hasn’t the time to stay behind to nurse him or call an ambulance, she must get home before her husband does. Racing home, talking to herself (since void of a narrator) explains that another person will be blamed and makes a story up to tell husband of damage to car. She notices a man on foot following her that resembles the hitchhiker. She ignores this, but for some reason stops the car. The woman laughs about how she had six orgasiums, but asks herself if its worth losing her rich husband? Gets me all sentimental and teary eyed…Time for blood, gore and monsters!!!

The man on foot following her is indeed the hitchhiker, jumping in front of the drivers window…”THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…THANKS FOR THE RIDE!” the hitch hiker says. She speeds away in a hysterical fit. The hitchhiker appears on her sun-roof grabbing her throat…”THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…THANKS FOR THE RIDE!” the hitch hiker mumbles. She quickly closes the sun-roof and stomps the brakes, running over the hitch hiker once more.

Now, the hitch hiker is persistent, repeating his appearances six more times but is quite polite for an undead human whose been creamed by a Mercedes Bens…”THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…THANKS FOR THE RIDE!”

Ramming the hitch hiker against a tree five or six times, the woman is sure that the hitch hiker is over-killed…she makes her way back home.

Well, wouldn’t you know it? She rushed home in vain. The husband is running late. She sighs in relief and begins to step out of the car to close the garage door…BUT WAIT! A gurgle is heard…”THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…THANKS FOR THE RIDE!” AHHHH!!!! The hitch hiker was under the car the whole time! He proceeds to lick her face to death.

Finally, the story comes to an end. The husband opens his wife’s car door only to find that she had died from having the hitch hiker's sign wrapped around her neck. What’s the moral of this story? Don’t have sex with hookers…AND BE LATE!!! BOO!!!

As a kid I remembered hating this story. Though it had a few bloody scenes which would have raised my rating but the story sucked. The only reason this story is getting a higher rating than “Chief Wooden Head” is because the hitch hiker constantly said… THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…THANKS FOR THE RIDE!”

Movie shifts back to animation. “The Creep” begins to say his last farewells when Billy bolts past his car. “The Creep” says how he almost forgot about Billy and his friends and that we should stick around to see the turn out…

Billy leads his bullies onto a private property where he keeps his giant Venus flytraps. He gives a signal and the bullies are eaten whole by the Venus flytraps. YayBilly kills his bullies! “Venus flytraps…they eat MEAT!”

In Closing, “The Creep” shifts back into live action waveing goodbye while scattering his Creepshow comics along a stretch of freeway for no apparent reason. The horror scenes weren’t as gruesome and the stories weren’t as twisted as the first Creepshow; though both were well written without a doubt. The acting was horrible and most of the live action cinematography was garbage. Now, as for the animation, that was flawless. Though, Creepshow 2 is a classic and another will never follow or compare to it, you could live without seeing this one as a whole. 3 out of 4.

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