"Buster Keaton? He must have spent three weeks painting the whole town black and white, and then when that house falls on him he doesn't make a sound! Not so much as a "My God, that was close"..."
"Rolf Harris... Number of legs... variable"
"But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans!"
"Captain Fish-Face has your children, if you want them back send 2000 wrapper from Fish-Face Cod Peices....but make it quick!"
"Don't buy string, string is evil!"
"What have you done to my pussy?"
"You're a looney"
"When these three were born, we did not know who the father was, so we each took one.
Sometimes I think we might have made a mistake"
"Bloody Band of the Coldstream Guards"
"Your private life is no concern of ours."
"Once a Knight, always a knight,
Twice a night and you're doing all right!"
"Roll up, roll up to Camelot in 1973
And tour the Middle Ages for only 50p"
"There is more to being a giant than size, you know"
"You've seen Saturday Night Fever, haven't you?"
"It's X-rated. I'd be too scared."
"Graeme, why are you dressed as a woman?"
"What! Three chaps going to a dance. People would stare!"
"I'm wearing my tails, my top hat, my cane and my taps
(referring to his 'tap shoes' — with real water taps on the toes of his shoes)"
"When I've had a hard day at school
My mummy always makes it a rule
To give me what I like best
Which means a plate of lovely hot baked.... um, potatoes....
("Get it right!" - Gets plate of beans in face)"
"(seeing two gumbies)
Hello John, Eric."
"And Now for something completely different
"My mum bought me some string today
Cos string is better than beans
She always gives me.....
(Gets a plate of beans in the face)"