Ace Ventura:
"If I'm not back in 5 minutes.....Just Wait Longer"
Dan Marino:
"Cry baby!"
Ace Ventura:
"Jock!"
Dan Marino:
"Wimp!"
Ace Ventura:
"Muscle head!"
Lois Einhorn:
"Shut up!"
Ace Ventura:
"(as Captain Kirk)
Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the nearest... decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from total annihilation. So far... no signs of aquatic life, but.. I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole I'm going to find it. I've... got to, Mister!"
Ace:
"That's it. Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man! Oh my God! Einhorn is a man!"
Woodstock:
"What's the password?"
Ace:
"New England clam chowder."
Woodstock:
"Is that the red or the white?"
Ace:
"I can never remember that. White?"
Aguado:
"Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?"
Ace Ventura:
"Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife."
Aguado:
"Is everything all right in here? I thought I heard a commotion."
Lois Einhorn:
"Everything's fine seargeant."
Aguado:
"You want me to throw him out?"
Lois Einhorn:
"Why don't you throw yourself out?"
Aguado:
"Yes, maaam."
Ace Ventura:
"That's why Roger Podacter is dead. He found Captain Winkie!!!!"
Dan Marino:
"Hey Ace, got any more of that gum?"
Ace Ventura:
"That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs."
Lois Einhorn:
"Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you BETTER be gone."
Ace Ventura:
"Is it number one or number two? (throws hands up) I just want to know how much time I have."
Ace Ventura:
"I'm looking for Ray Finkle.
*** Cue ball from pool table narrowly misses Ace***"
Ace Ventura:
"That would be a scratch."
Detective Lois Einhorn:
"How would you like for me to make your life a living hell?"
Ace Ventura:
"Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking."
Ace Ventura:
"Can you feel that buddy? Huh? Huh? I have excersised the demons, this house is clean."
Ace and his friend:
"Ace knocks on the door: What's the password?
Ace: New England Clam Chowder
Friend: is that the red or the white?
Ace: Oh, I can never remember that.........White?
-Ace and his friend"
Ace Ventura:
"Ace Ventura:Like a Glove.
-Ace Ventura"
Ace Ventura:
"Ace Ventura:Like a Glove
-Ace Ventura"
Ace:
"That's why Roger Podacter is dead. He found Captain Winkie.
-Ace"
Ace:
"Take care now bye - bye then. (door slams) LLLLoser.
-Ace"
Ace and Aguado:
"Aguado(stepping on a Roach): Uh oh, a homicide! Solve that one!
Ace:Ha! Well first I develope a motive, the perp saw the size of the bug's DICK!!!, and became insanely jealous!
-Ace and Aguado"
Ace:
"I'm looking for Ray Finkle (shot gun cocked at his face).. and a clean pair of shorts
-Ace"