"This sausage is probably eighteen years old... This sausage could vote. It could go to war and die for its country.
Brendon & McGuirk:
"Brendon: How's it going?
McGuirk: Well, I just drank pee. How's it going with you?
-Brendon & McGuirk"
Mr. Lynch & Brendon:
"Mr. Lynch: The question was "Who wrote Hamlet?" You wrote "The Pope's cousin, Count Pope-ula, a magical monster with pencils for arms".
Brendon: I'll be honest, Mr. Lynch. I made that one up.
-Mr. Lynch & Brendon"
"No, Brendon, you're supposed to be resting...the doctor said it was psychosomatic. Or stress related. Or...menopausal. Something. I wasn't paying attention.
"Brendon, there's nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God.
"I need to refill this prescription. It's for my anxiety disorder and, uh, it's working nicely 'cause, uh...I wouldn't be able to approach you otherwise.
"I want the regulars to be here tomorrow because we are going to start on a new project, okay?"
"Am I a regular?"
"My pants say irregular."
"Come on, 150 more bucks! DVD PLAYER!"
"watch it again one more time or il break your back! watch it again or il punch your fuc**n face your gunna accept the kids movie ooor iiiiillll kiiil youuu"
"Hey Couch McGuirk, Why did you park on our lawn?"
"Oh. I thought that was a driveway"
"No. Thats our lawn"