Jordan:
"After 15 years in storage, the lemmons had developed a delayed fuse. It took 90 minutes for these fuckers to kick in but once they did, *pow.* And I had skipped the tingle phase and jumped straight to the drool phase. These little bastards were so strong I had discovered a whole new phase. The Cerebral Palsy phase."
Jordan:
"I'm not ashamed to admit it: my first time in prison, I was terrified. For a moment, I had forgotten I lived in a world where everything was for sale. Wouldn't you like to know how to sell it?"
Mark Hanna:
"So if you've got a client who bought stock at 8 and now it's at 16 and he's all fucking happy, he wants to cash in and liquidate, take his fucking money and run home, you don't let him do that... 'cause that would make it real."
Jordan:
"So you listen to me and you listen well. Are you behind on your credit card bills? Good, pick up the phone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend think you're a fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich!"
Jordan:
"My wife, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. A former model and Miller Lite girl. Yeah. She was the one with my cock in her mouth in the Ferrari, so put your dick back in your pants."
Jordan:
"See those little black boxes? They're called telephones. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret about these telephones. They're not gonna dial themselves. Okay? Without you, they're just worthless hunks of plastic. Like a loaded M16 without a trained marine to pull the trigger."
Jordan:
"She designs women's panties too? Oh, my God!"
Nicholas:
"Oh, hey! Is it Wednesday already?"
Jordan:
"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it."
Donnie:
"I'll tell you what: I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose birthday it is."
Jordan:
"I am not gonna die sober!"
Jordan:
"Oh my God! You had to deal with the Golf Course people too! What a greek tragedy! Honey oh my God!, you probably had to pay them in cash with your hands! What a fucking burden, and actually had to do some work besides swiping my fucking credit card all day? Huh? Cause I can't keep track of your professions honey! Last month you were a wine connoisseur, and now you're an aspiring landscape architect, Isn't that right?"
Patrick:
"Let me give you some legal advice: Shut the fuck up!"
Jordan:
"My name is Jordan Belfort. I'm a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week."
Jordan:
"Let me tell you something. There's no nobility in poverty. I have been a rich man and I have been a poor man. And I choose rich every fuckin' time. Because, at least as a rich man, when I have to face my problems, I show up in the back of the limo, wearing a $2000 suit and a $40,000 gold fuckin' watch."
Max Belfort:
"What kind of hooker takes credit cards?"
Donnie Azoff:
"A rich one."