Jay and Kay:
"Jay: Would you STOP THAT?!
Jay: That thing is gonna give the poor woman brain cancer or something!"
"(telling a joke) ... Honey, this one's eating my popcorn"
"Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones"
"I'm looking for a cat"
"Were not hosting an intergallatic kegger haha Thats Zed"
"1500 years ago people knew the world revolved around the sun, 500 years people knew the earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow"
"Well what happened was umm.....Swamp gas ummmm..."
"Oh yeah, hire an interior decorator to come here quick cause.....Damn!
Frank the Pug:
"You don't like it, you can kiss my furry little butt.
-Frank the Pug"
"NYPD means I will Nock Yo Punkass Down.
"A person is smart, people are dumb panicky animals and you know it. 1500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you "knew" that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow.
"No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.. May we come in?
"Put up your arms and all your flippers.
"You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.
"You'll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MiB special services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You'll not stand out in any way.
jay and Kay:
"Kay: On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend, you're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights then realize you're better off.
Jay: Yeah, cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact you know what? YOU kicked HIM out! And now that he's gone you're gonna go downtown, you're gonna go to Bloomingdale's, get yourself some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, go get a facial, oh and, hire a decorator to come in here quick because, DAMN!
-Jay and Kay"
Jay and Kay:
"Jay: Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
Kay: Standard issue Neuralizer.
Jay: And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
-Jay and Kay"
"All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
"We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.
"I want you on the next transport off this rock or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.