The Last Boy Scout
Release: December 13, 1991

Producer Joel Silver, director Tony Scott, and screenwriters Shane Black and Greg Hicks team up for this gridiron-set action thriller. Bruce Willis stars as Joe Hallenbeck, who was once a top-of-the-line Secret Service agent but has since become an alcoholic, flea-bag detective. While performing the chores of a two-bit shamus, he discovers his wife Sarah (Chelsea Field) is having an affair with his best friend. Joe is hired to protect Cory (Halle Berry), a stripper who has been getting death threats; Joe begins to sober up when Cory is blown to smithereens. Cory's boyfriend, Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans), was at one time a NFL football quarterback, but was thrown out of the game for gambling and addiction to Demerol. Smelling something fishy, Joe and Jimmy begin to investigate further and discover layers of corruption in professional football circles, leading up to Sheldon Marcone (Noble Willingham), a corrupt team owner who wants to pay off legislators to legalize gambling on pro football games.

Alley Thug: "Hey, would you stop with the wife shit?"
Joe: "Ask me how fat she is."
Alley Thug: "Fuck you, man. How fat is she?"
Jimmy: "Danger's my middle name."
Joe: "Mine's Cornelius. You tell anybody and I'll kill you."
Joe: "You wanna fuck her? You gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in."
Alley Thug: "Hey, would you stop with the wife shit?"
Joe: "Ask me how fat she is."
Alley Thug: "Fuck you, man. How fast is she?"
Alley Thug: "(After being punched to the ground by Joe) You bastard!"
Joe: "And then some!"
Joe: "Now, I'm not saying she's fat, her high school picture was an aerial photograph."
Alley Thug: "How fat is she?"
Joe: "She's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot."
Alley Thug: "Alright, you want it in the chest or the head?"
Joe: "That's what your wife said."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Now what are you doing?"
Jimmy Dix: "Drawing them a picture."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Of what???"
Jimmy Dix: "It's a bomb."
Joe Hallenbeck: "That does not look like a bomb. It looks like an apple with lines coming out of it. They're just going to say "Don't open the briefcase. It's full of fresh fruit"."
Jimmy Dix: "You want to draw the dang thing? (after informing them with the word BOM)"
Jimmy Dix: "Happy?"
Joe Hallenbeck: "Are you kidding me?"
Jimmy (to Darian): "You want to be left alone, don't you?"
Furry Tom: "Why did Mr. Milo cross the road?"
Joe Hallenbeck: "I don't know Furball. Why?"
Furry Tom: "Because his dick was stuck in a chicken."
Darian: "Dad, can I show Jimmy off to my friends?"
Joe Hallenbeck: "He's not a pet honey."
Joe: "I swear to God if I live through this I'll do a f*cking jig."
Hallenbeck: "Why did the cat cross the road? Cuz his dick was stuck in a chicken!"
Joe Hallenbeck: "Hey, you got a car?"
Man: "Yeah."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Give me the keys."
Man: "No way."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Give me the keys or I'll shoot the kid."
Darian: "Daddy."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Shhhh."
Man: "Well, okay."
Jimmy Dix: "People must figure you are the dumbest guy in the world."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Why is that?"
Jimmy Dix: "Because you are trying to save the life of the guy who ruined your career and avenge the death of the guy who f***** your wife."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile you f***."
Milo: "You think you are so freakin cool? You think you are so cool? Just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain."
Joe Hallenbeck: "Play some rap music."
Milo: "You must be James."
Jimmy Dix: "James?"
Joe Hallenbeck: "He does that with everybody. He calls me Joseph."
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