Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
Release: November 14, 1964
Release: November 14, 1964

The children of Mars have grown obsessed with Earth television especially with the news channels coverage of Santa Claus. Kimar (leader of the Martins) consults the eldest Martins, Chochem, who claims that the children of Mars need to have fun and happiness again. This makes Kimar and the other leaders devise a plan to bring back Santa to Mars despite the opposed views of the war obsessed Voldar. The Martians get help from two Earth children, Betty and Billy Foster, to help find Santa Claus. After kidnapping from his workshop Santa, Voldar tries to get rid of Santa but can't outmatch Santa's wit, magic and Christmas spirit. Directed by Nicholas Webster. The film appeared on the popular show Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the DVD series Cinema Titanic (consisting of members from Mystery Science Theater 3000). There were rumors for years that there would be a remake of the film with likes of David Zucker (Airplane!, The Naked Gun series) and writer Ben Edlund (creator of The Tick) behind it, however the project has remained in development hell. The film is in the Public Domain,

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Santa Claus: "No siree! We're going out the good ol' fashioned way. Prancer and Dancer and Donder and Blitzen, and Vixen and Nixon... oh, consarnit I get those names mixed up, but the KIDS know their names."
TV Interviewer: "What is this strange looking creature over here?"
Santa Claus: "Oh, Winky made that. That's his idea of a Martian."
TV Interviewer: "A Martian? Wow-wee-wow! I'd hate to meet a creature like that on a dark night."
Kimar: "Santa, you will never return to Earth, you belong to Mars now."
Santa Claus: "Ho Ho, Hooo..."
Santa Claus: "Ho ho, we meet again, eh?"
Rigna: "Chochem is eight hundred years old, you can't dismiss the wisdom of centuries."
Voldar: "I can."
Kimar: "Chochem! Chochem! Are you here? Ancient one of Mars, I call upon you."
Hargo: "What's soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?"
Kimar: "I don't know what?"
Hargo: "A Martian mellow."
TV News Announcer: "And mrs Claus has positively identified the kidnapers as martians."
Santa Claus: "Well, when Voldar "accidentally" left us in the airlock and then came up here and "accidentally" threw the door switch, we knew we had to get out of there in a hurry or that would be the end of us. Eh, uh, "accidentally," of course."
TV News Announcer: "Here's another UFO Bulletin: The Defense Department has just announced that the unidentified flying object suddenly disappeared from our radar screen. They believe the object has either disintegrated in space, or it may be a space ship from another planet which has the ability to nullify all radar beams."
Kimar: "Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars. Why are you sleeping during working hours?"
Dropo: "I wasn't sleeping, chief. It's just that I haven't been able to sleep these last few months. I forgot how. So I was just practicing."
Billy: "You'll never get away with this, you Martian!"
Voldar: "All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit!"
Betty: "What are those funny things sticking out of your head?"
Rigna: "Those are our antennae."
Betty: "Are you a television set?"
Kimar: "How are you feeling today? Tired?"
Santa Claus: "Oh, no, I'm not tired. But my finger is."
Santa Claus: "Oh me, oh my, oh me!"
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