Henry Blake:
"Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule #1 is young men die. And rule #2 is doctors can't change rule #1."
Hawkeye:
"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions."
Frank Burns:
"Individuality is fine, so long as everybody's doing it together."
Sidney Freedman:
"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice:
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
Sidney Freedman:
"I'm not going out there without a bulletproof couch."
Klinger:
"I'll do anything! I'll wet my bed--I'll wet your bed--I'll wet the whole camp!"
Frank Burns:
"I was popular! And don't you forget it!"
Frank Burns:
"I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me"
Henry Blake:
"[to Radar] You behave yourself, or I'm gonna come back and kick your butt."
Hawkeye:
"Druid, reformed. They're allowed to pray at bushes"
Hawkeye:
"My kidneys were expecting Orange Juice. Silly kidneys"
Trapper:
"I peeked at the end, Frank; the Devil did it"
Hawkeye:
"I'll save you the trouble, I know how it ends:
Peter Pancreas marries the princess… Pelvis. They have a couple of kidneys, and they all liver happily ever after."
Hawkeye:
"For you, Frank. It's a MacArthur doll. Wind him up and he returns from anywhere."
Radar:
"These are the forms to get the forms to order more forms, sir."
Korean Girl:
"Oh yes, Lady with tiger-skin underwear"
Henry Blake:
"Here's an oldie but a goodie...half of the family dying, other half pregnant."
Frank Burns:
"You know what my brother used to call me when we were kids?....Ferret-face!"
Frank Burns:
"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I...I...I...I got a gaaaal...in Kalamazoo...zoo...zoo..."
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