Madballs are GROSS!!

My precious non-fiction article about Madballs
January 02, 2008

If you grew up in 80s, and you were cool, I reckon you probably had some gross toys like me. I had a billion toys. The number of toys I had = 1 billion. I had GI Joes, Transformers, He-Man, M.A.S.K, Care Bears, ...basically a little of everything.

One aspect of 80s toys that totally ruled was the gross & straight up yucky category. Oh, you know what I be spittin'. Stuff like Madballs. My Mom thought Madballs were "just plain gross." That made me like them even more.

I mean, DARN! Just look at how cool they are! They have worms and sludge all over them. That's what boys like to think about. Worms, sludge, slime, slop, barf, diarrhea, blood, butts, skulls, cyclones, ect.

Madballs had so much to offer a young fellow like me. There was basically a Madball for whatever kind of kid you were. As long as you were somewhat awesome and cool. For me it was Slobulus all the way. He was by far, the grossest. Green skin, eyeball hanging out, drool a' drippin', stitches on the face, and jacked up teeth. Absolutely perfect. They were all pretty great, but Slobulus was my kinda Madball.

Here are some other REALLY important members of the Madball community:

Lock Lips: This guy was awesome too. Almost as awesome as Slobulus. Look at his green face!! Just terrific. He's got a cool pig nose, a metal patch over his eye. That DEFINITELY rules. Plus, what's up with his mouth being locked? Did this guy say so much crazy stuff, that he was punished with a lock? That's pretty hard.

Dust Brain: Aside from having a really cool name, this guy is very radical. A blue mummy that doesn't even care about anything. You can tell his attitude about stuff in general is basically like "yeah, so what?". Just look at him smiling like a creep. I love you, Dust Brain.

Horn Head: I think this dude was the leader. I had the toy of him that had a body, and a huge steam-roller vehicle that he rode around on. He basically only needed one eye to kick your face in. And look at the top of his head...THERE'S A HORN ON IT!!! That just rules 100 asses. It just does, okay?

Freaky Fullback: This guy has an exploded eye. And I'm guessing he's pretty pissed about it, too. Just look how angry he is. Maybe he doesn't even care. he might just always be angry about other stuff. Anyway, he rules.

I think Madballs may be a little too hardcore for todays wimpy kids. You always hear about some fatass busybody mom trying to protect her little gimp from weird stuff. I say, bring on the weird. Bring that gross! You want to thicken your brat's skin a little, make that fool play around with some Madballs. MAKE him! Hide them in his bed at night, if he shows any resistance. Put them in his lunchbox and don't tell him. Roll them around your entire house for a full year, and see what happens. I guarantee you'll get good results. You know how I know? Cause Madballs are awesome.

An unhandled error has occurred. Reload Dismiss