For some reason when I grew up, I was always attracted to things that involved mythological creatures and dungeons and dragons style stuff, warriors with maces and axes and swords, knights and barbarians, dragons, ogres, trolls. All that stuff appealed to me the most beside comic books. So it was only a matter of time before i discovered the Cimmerian, Conan the Barbarian. And that was the first swords and sorcery fantasy type movie i had ever seen, I started watching it in the middle, but I still loved it. And my target for this article is movies of the eighties. Now, i haven't seen many from the eighties. First you have to track them down and then you have to find time to watch them. Iv'e seen plenty from the 90's and of now but nothing compares to eighties films. They just have such a unique look and feel, but let's not lie to ourselves, alot of movies that came out of the eighties are just plain terrible, these ones are no different. I really can't say if i love them or hate them it's a strange thing. LEGENDARY WEAPONS here we come!
5 Horribly Good Movies
(WARNING most likely contains spoilers)
A movie with a LEGENDARY WEAPON. Only this time they're changing it up. What's the weapon you ask? A Star Fish! No just kidding it's a glaive. And what's with that thing anyway? He only uses it what? Once, in the movie. What a piece of crap.
Now this movie has been written off as bad by many people, but I don't see it as a bad movie. It's a fun adventure the whole way through with some good characters. The whole thing with the aliens and their castle... kind of stupid, but the movie delivers a classic Dungeons and Dragons round up a party and go on a quest kind of adventure. The only big problem with the movie, the final battle. He walks in, Boom. its over... the movies over. You'll find yourself saying "Wow, I feel ripped off." It ends so suddenly and so crappily (yah your right. I just made that word up)that you just feel cheated. Other than that it's worth a watch just don't expect to be satisfied.
6/10 Bad Ending
I'm going to start off by saying one thing Terrible. The movie starts off pretty cool, another LEGENDARY WEAPON but this time its not much of a weapon its just a bow and arrow,only the people of this world have never seen such a thing yet. The story takes place around a young man who left his homeland and sailed to this whole different land for some quest. He meets some buff guy who shows him the ropes. He soon finds out there is an evil sorceress. On a higher note their army is made of wookies. Yes lot's of hairy monkey men in armor with spears. The sorceress wants his bow and arrow or something, but who's really paying attention? The movie overall just lacks essence. It needed something more to it, either it was the lack of characters or the lack of plot. I mean It's not that boring that it drags on and seems like it takes forever, but its lame to the point that once it's over, You could care less that you had ever seen it.
3/10 Lacks Purpose
A great movie, lot's of fighting, good choreography. The main character is a warrior who thinks he's hot product "Death Stalker" Yah he's got a corny name, but it sounds less retarted everytime you hear it. Death Stalker is a hard ass, like a lot of action characters trying to copy the style of Conan the Barbarian. He walks around with out a care because he knows he can take on whatever comes his way. The Movie goes on pretty smoothly as Death Stalker enters a tournament. He finds himself faced against a giant pig man. Which is just a fat guy in a really awful mask.
The plot builds and it seems like this is going to be a really great movie, but then things just start happening too fast and all of the sudden its to the end battle scene. I seem to see this happen in a lot of movies it's like they ran out of budget so they just ended the movie real quick, but that doesn't make much sense because movies aren't really shot in order. I don't know, but it's annoying. Even though the movie could have been longer and have been fully enjoyed theres only one thing in this movie that is just down right terrible. The final fight. (And Excuse me if I go on a little rant here but this really ruined this movie for me). First off the guy who plays the main antagonist, the wizard, looks and acts like he directed the movie and selfishly gave himself the part
because he actually thinks he's good at acting, the guys is just ugly, downright ugly he just doesn't fit in the movie at all. Maybe if he had a better costume, but even that wouldn't have helped because the guys head is just so damn fat, and he has some stupid looking facial hair along with a god damn green tatoo across his face, and i mean even all this and the fact his costume is repulsive to the eyes, he still couldnt have pulled it off because his face just has no definition its just plain and pale. Maybe it's because he's bald. I don't know but this guy really just looks bad to me, I couldn't even tell you what happens at the end because i was covering my eyes. Give him a mask and this movie could have almost been a masterpiece.
In the end
8/10 Above Average But Lacking
The Sword and The Sorcerer
This movie contains the most epic LEGENDARY WEAPON of them all! Alright so its a sword only put two more blades, one on each side of the original, alright but that's not all! It has the ability to shoot two of the blades off like rockets. Where they got the technology to do this in medieval times I'll never know. Hell I don't even know how they got the technology to do that in 1980. I guess that's why it's fantasy.
The movie also contains an ogre Sorcerer named Onigoomba or something but it doesn't really matter because he get's himself shanked after the 2 minutes he's on screen. Our lead character of course is the muscle bound badass mercenary who fears nothing. He is hired by a princess to take back her fathers throne, so he ends up busting a bunch of people out of the dungeon and storming the castle, but the main thing here is the final battle. In this movie it was actually good. Pretty long too the way I remember it. This movie could have been a lot better if not for a few minor things, but... I wasn't there to fix it.
There was supposed to be a sequel... it never happened.
7/10 Very Average
Yes, Twin Body Builders. This is definitely a Conan rip off, I'm not saying that's a bad thing I'm just pointing it out, most of these movies seemed to have the same thing happening in them. I happen to own this one on vhs, and I'm ashamed to say I've only watched it two or three times. I always want to watch it, but it's hard to find the time. The twins both sound like the stereo typical Muscle Head. They talk like morons, and I don't know if they meant to do that or if they just sound like that naturally, but it fit the part. Beside the point I think they're cool. They follow the same barbarian scheme as Conan, they are tough as nails and fear no one, even if it is out of stupidity.
They were captured by an evil warlord (same guy who plays the evil warlord on The Sword and The Sorcerer) when they were young, and they were trained to be ruthless killers. Once they escape they totally drop that attitude, they become nice guys in the matter of moments and all of a sudden they can speak proper english even though they have grown up being beaten and secluded. They save some girl from a cage and thus their journey begins to find the LEGENDARY WEAPONS, well I think they're really looking for a crystal or something but they go in a cave and find an axe and a sword. I didn't like the weapons they seemed like flimsy pieces of crap. And of course one of them can't decide which one they want so they keep trading them. It's meant to be funny its really not... Overall the movie has a good 80's feel and some good fighting, again... a terrible final battle, just awful.
7/10 Average Barbarian Movie