I saw the DVD case for the movie "Legally Blonde" at the video store the other day and was inspired to write this article. I have no other explanation to give. So, um, apologies in advance. Anyway, I was surprised how many blondes are amongst our loveable heroes. They're not all here. Just some of my favorites. Let's go.
Samus Aran from Metroid
Samus not only battled the denizens of Metriod, but the assumptions of a predominantly male gaming world. While Samus is not the first female lead in a video game. (Alis Landale of the first Phantasy Star role-playing game,while less widely known, is contemporary to Samus), she surprised alot of gamers by taking off her helmet at the end of the original Metroid and revealing her long blonde hair. We all thought she was a man until the very end. I'm sure we were never more happy to be wrong.
This woman is no hero, but she definitely made alot of male arcade players want to be daring knights. In Dragon's Lair we had only three lives to give and they were for all for Princess Daphnee. Did you know when Dragon's Lair was being made, the studio couldn't afford to hire any models. So, the animators used photos from Playboy magazines for inspiration for this fair princess? Next time you see Hugh Hefner, say thanks.
She had a hyper intelligent dog able to move like a biped at will and a computer book her uncle knew nothing about. Where the heck did she get that computer book from anyway? Well, regardless, Penny Gadget is a blonde with the makings of a master detective or, if you prefer, inspector. I hope someday they give Inspector Gadget the "Batman Beyond" treatment and Penny becomes the new Inspector Gadget. It'd be nice to see what a real detective could do with all those bionics. And then her dog, Brain, could take a well deserved vacation.
April from Sabre Rider and the Star Sheriffs.
Here's a beautiful young woman who piloted a ship called RAMROD....um.....yeah. Well, make of that what you will, but April showed she had the brains and the skills to ride right along side Sabrerider, Colt and Fireball.
Mainframe from C.O.P.S.
While I don't remember many of the episodes, I do remember the opening intro for C.O.P.S. real well. DUN DUN DUN-DUN-DUN DUN-DUN. Mainframe, a.k.a. Tina Cassidy, was a rookie cop, a young, intelligent, young woman, and the mistress of computer technology and high-tech wizardry. She was awesome with computers and assisting her team members in efforts to successfully solve capers and thwart Big Boss' crooked plans as well as prepare for the crime boss' next fiendish plot.
And she usually did it out of uniform. Um, that is, she wore a baseball cap, a blue vest, blue pants, blue earrings and a yellow shirt. What did you think I meant?
Here's arguably the most most powerful blonde in the universe. Known also as Adora, He-Man/Prince Adam''s twin sister and defender of the Chrystal Castle, She-ra was working hard on Saturday morning to free the realm of Etheria from the evil forces of Hordak. She also shared that magic ability several super heroines have: their skirts never reveal their underwear no matter what kind of moves they make during the show or how windy it gets.
This member of the United States Special Forces kicked the butts of all comers in Mortal Kombat. I don't know much about her outside the live action movie. I do however remember two of her classic moves. The Kiss of Death: she would blow a kiss to stun her opponent. The Leg Grab: She would do a handstand and grab her opponent with her feet and slam them on the ground. Cool.
The Powerpuff Girls are just a few steps above South Park in animation quality, but they definitely show that the superheroic world welcomes a sense of humour. Bubbles is easily my favorite among her sisters because her personality matched her name. She was both cheerful and air-headed at times.
I recently saw two complete episodes of Bionic 6 posted online. You can find them here:
In them, I got to see Rock-1 again. She was one of my favorites among the Bionic 6. She had those sonic blasters on her shoulders and could run super-fast. I remember one episode in particular where the bad guy in the show, SCARAB, though her boyfriend was bionic. So, she had to help him seem Bionic without getting caught. Ironically and conveniently, she was SCARAB's hostage in her civilian identity at the time.
This blue woman is a hero for acomplishing the impossible: staying single in a village made up of over 100 males of her species. Until the creation of Sassette, Smurfette stood alone as the only female in the realm of smurfdom. But then again, smurfs were delivered by storks if I remember correctly so Smurfette really didn't have much to worry about. Smurfette was created by Gargamel by the way for those of you who don't remember. Papa smurf had to use a litle magic to make her the smurfette we all know and love.
I picked up Armitage III last month because I heard Kiefer Sutherland did the voice for one of the main characters. Forgive me, I was on a 24 kick at the time. Anyway, this is where I first met Armitage. Fighting for the rights of artificial life forms among humanity, Armitage was one of the coolest anime ladies I've ever come across. She's easy on the eyes too. And, it turned out she was more than machine because she was expecting a child at the end of the show. Yep, you read right. Check out Armitage III if you don't believe me.
Hands up if you remember Visionarries; Knights of the Magical Light. Well, this blonde was a member of the Spectral Knights, the heroes in the show. She was able to turn into a dolphin at will thanks to her magical totem given to her by the wizard Merklin. It's a pity this show only lasted one season. It would have been nice to see more of her. I'm sure boyfriend, Cryotech,would have agreed.
I didn't really get to know this superhero until the short lived live-action Birds of Prey television show and the Justice League Unlimited animated series. She's one tough lady and her canary cry is a pretty cool power. It'd be nice to see a Birds of Prey Animated Series someday. But they would have to retool it, of course, because it is a fact in the current JLU animated universe (and confirmed by Batman Beyond) Oracle does not exist.
This blonde joined the side of the angels (Delta Red) in Street Fighter II: The New Challengers and we have seen quite a bit of her in the Street Fighter comic produced by UDON comics. In the latter medium I'm pleased to see her and Chun-Li becoming friends. Cammy is heroic in that she is a female clone of something so evil (M. Bison) and yet she was able to come to terms with it and become a force for good. Maybe I'll do an article on just her someday, who knows.
I said before in my article Happily Ever After? II on this site, I'm a big fan of the Lunar RPG series from Working Designs. Lemina is one of the heroes from that series. She starts out being quite the greedy little magic user but eventually realizes their are more important things in life than money. If you haven't played the Lunar series, you should. It's got one of the best anime love stories you'll ever find in an RPG.
I never watched Thundercats. I wasn't lucky enough to get it amongst my Saturday morning treasures. I include her in this article as a little nod of thanks to fellow RetroJunk writer Mr. Gone. The inspiration I got from reading his cartoon love articles set me on the Retrojunk path. Cheers Mr. Gone. This blonde's for you.
Hero High was one of the first superhero animated shows I ever saw, I think. It was like Archie, Superfriends, and Tiny Toons all mixed together. Gorgeous Gal was the girlfriend of superjock Captain California. She had superhuman strength. She could fly. And she had telepathic powers too. If I'd been old enough to be interested in girls when I first saw her I'd probably have more to say about her. However, she is now a very vague memory.
What really impresses me about Supergirl is how she has been able to make a name for herself despite the fact she is Superman's cousin. I mean, com'on. Superman. What a heck of an example to live up to. Anyway, She's been a real person. She's been a protoplasmic being. She's been an angel. She's been a teenager. Yeesh. This woman deserves a medal just for dealing with DC comics inability to stabilize her character over the years. Now that the Justice League Unlimited animated series is over, I hope the current incarnation of her in the comics holds up.
She is one five people who combined their ring-based elemental powers to summon Earth's greatest champion: Captain Planet. While Captain Planet's greatness is open to debate, Linka with her wind power was definitely one reason guys tuned into Captain Planet in the first place. The other was Gi, the water weilder. I'm sure we would all do our best to save the planet if it meant working with this lovely lady.
This Nintendo princess owes her blonde hair to the progress in video game graphics over the last 20 years. She started out as a red-head. And, of course, she's not just another pretty face. She can lay the smack down on Bowser just as well as her plumber boyfriend Mario can. Especially in golf.
Sailor Moon and Sailor Venus
Thes two blonde ladies work side by side battling the enemies of truth justice and love. Ironically, when Sailor Venus first appeared on the show she was more popular in Sailor Moon's home city than Sailor Moon was. Now they're the best of freinds. However, I'm willing to bet there are days where Sailor Moon likes to remind Sailor Venus of just who's queen in their universe. ;-)
Here's a blonde who hung out at Chip n' Dale's every week. Um, what I meant was, she worked WITH Chip and Dale, the Disney Rescue Rangers. And she also worked with a fly zipper. Um...sorry...that is she worked with a fly NAMED Zipper. Um...and she was really good with machines... Um. Let's move on.
I only ran into this girl once in the comics in a JSA cameo. I got to know her a bit better thanks to the Justice League Unlimited Animated Series. I liked the jealousy she developed towards Supergirl in this series. And also glad they worked it out in the end. Nice Cosmic Rod she has there.
And finally, I offer agent 69 herself, Stan Lee's Stripperella. I picked up the adventures of Erotica Jones last year on DVD and found them to be hillarious. If you love the Leisure Suit Larry series of games and superheroes, you will love this superheroine's stories. Oh, and If you do decide to pick up the DVD, tell them Knites sent you. It won't do you any good actually. I just want you to see the cofused look on the clerk's face. ;-)
Well, um, I'm gonna go watch those Bionic Six Episodes again. Hope you enjoyed this article.