Tim:
"Remember: if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, someone else makes it."
Tim:
"Al, what's the first thing you do when you get up?"
Al:
"I say to myself "Oh boy, another wonderful day of working side-by-side with Tim!""
Tim:
"OK, what's the second thing you do, Al?"
Al:
"I consider calling in sick."
Al:
"I don't think so, Tim!"
Heidi:
"Does anybody know what time it is?"
Audience:
"Tool Time!"
Heidi:
"That's right, Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Toolman" Taylor!"
Wilson:
"Hidee Ho Tim
-Wilson"
Tim Mark Jill:
"T: OW! I said a softball not a krokay ball!
M: It wasn't me!
T: Then who was it?
J: The Old Hen!
T: Oh, hi henny I mean honey!
-Tim Mark Jill"
Tim:
"Al is my assistant. He assists me.
-Tim"
Randy:
"Mark, go upstairs."
Mark:
"But Curtis is coming, I want to meet him."
Randy:
"No you don't, he is a bigger geek than you."
Mark:
"WOW!"
Tim:
"Heh heh, you called me a dork?"
Jill (whispering):
"I was trying to build up his self-esteem."
Tim (mocking Jill):
"What about my self-esteem?"
Tim:
"There are only two words in the kitchen for a real man. 'Can' and 'opener.'"
Tim:
"I think men have a lot in common with babies. We get cranky when our dinner isn't ready on time, we like to take naps in the afternoon, and I don't know any man who doesn't love a spirited game of peek-a-boo."
Tim:
"Barry Sanders just broke around the end for 50 yards, it's 1st and goal from the 1! We're gonna score!, Happy anniversary Honey!"
Tim:
"I need help. I'm thinkin of checkin into the Henry Ford clinic."
Jill:
"Just go back to your tools and shut-up."
Tim:
"Man's speakers, that's what I'm after. Speakers with attitude. Speakers that haven't shaved in a couple of days."
Jill:
"Tim is at his most romantic during the Dollar Days sale at Sears. All I have to do is wear a negligee and hold up a tool catalogue."
Tim:
"I think men have a lot in common with babies. We get cranky when our dinner isn't ready on time, we like to take naps in the afternoon, and I don't know any man who doesn't love a spirited game of peek-a-boo."
Al:
"I think one of these days, you're going to run out of flannel jokes."
Tim:
"I don't think so, Al. Not with my "Complete Flannel Joke Book".
[Tim pulls out a heavy dictionary-sized hardcover book labelled "The Complete Flannel Joke Book" from behind a prop and opens it]"
Tim:
"Why did the flannel cross the road? 'Cause Al was over there!" "Oh waiter, there's a fly in my flannel!" "Please... take my flannel!
[Al snatches the book from Tim]"
Tim:
"Then there's your handy wallet-sized version!
[Tim pulls a tiny hardcover book of the same color out of his pocket]"
Tim:
"How do you keep an idiot wearing flannel in suspense?
[Al snatches the second book]"
Tim:
"See you tomorrow!"