Eddie:
"Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"
Neighbor:
"Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?"
Clark:
"Bend over and I'll show you!"
Neighbor:
"You got a lot of nerve to talk to me like Griswold-"
Clark:
"I wasn't talking to you
(camera pans to Neighbor's wife)"
Ellen:
"Clark?"
Clark:
"Yes, honey?"
Ellen:
"Audrey's frozen from the waist down."
Clark:
"You smell something Eddie?"
Eddie:
"Fried pussycat."
Clark:
"Aunt Bethany, would you say the grace please?"
Aunt Bethany:
"Grace, didn't she pass away?"
Uncle Lewis:
"They want you to say the grace. THE BLES-S-S-ING!!!!"
Aunt Bethany:
"is your house on fire clark?"
Clark:
"no aunt Bethany"
Ellen's mother:
"I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was"
Audrey:
"He worked really hard grandma"
Clark Griswold:
"They Invented them Russ, because people forgot how to have a fun old-fashioned family Christmas & spend money on dead over-priced trees that have no special meaning.
-Clark Griswold"
Russ:
"Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots so people wouldn't have to drive all the way out to nowhere & waste a whole Saturday?
-Russ"
Todd:
"Griswold! Where are you gonna put a tree that big?"
Clark:
"Bend over and I'll show you!"
Russ:
"Dad, that thing will never fit in our front yard."
Clark:
"It's not going in our yard, it's going in our living room!"
Clark:
"Fixed the newel post!"
Margot:
"And why is the carpet all wet, TODD!?"
Todd:
"I don't KNOW, Margot!"
Clark:
"(2x) Merry Christmas.
(3x) Kiss my ass.
Happy Chanukah."
Clark:
"Aunt Bethany, would you say the grace?"
Aunt Bethany:
"Grace? Didn't she pass away 30 years ago?"
Uncle Lewis:
"He wants you to say the grace. (he pauses) The blessing!!"
Cousin Eddie:
"If you don't mind Clark, I would like to see if I can fumigate this here chair. It's a good quality item. If you don't mind. I ask how much it'll set you back."
Clark:
"You smell something?"
Cousin Eddie:
"Fried pussycat."
Margo:
"(Police knock on Margo's door)
Todd if you want to come back into this house you gotta break down that goddamn door!(the police break her door in)"
Eddie:
"I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic."
Clark:
"Do you really think it matters, Eddie?"
Ellen:
"Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down."
Clark:
"That's all part of the experience, honey."
Ruby Sue:
"Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous."
Clark:
"Nervous or excited?"
Ruby Sue:
"Shittin' bricks."
Clark:
"You shouldn't use that word."
Ruby Sue:
"Sorry. Shittin' rocks"
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