"You masterbate more than anybody on the planet."
"Tell us something we don't know."
"When you do it, your thinking about guys."
"Nobody is fucking me!"
"We'll take head."
"Oh, say you're the Metatron and people stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone's a theology scholar!"
"Is it true that chicks fart if you give them a good blast in the ass?"
"[to Bethany] You are the last descendant of Jesus Christ."
"So, does that mean your part black?"
"I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!"
"I have seen what happens to the proud when then take on the throne. I'm goin' back to Wisconsin."
"Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now."
"I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should be malleable and progressive; Working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; New ideas can't generate."
"New Jersey? That doesn't sound like much of a crusade."
"You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally, and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist."
"That's the cosmic joke. I can give out a zillion and 9 ideas a second, but I can't keep any for myself."
"Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young."
"Oh, no. I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning."
"We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on."
Bus Station Attendant:
"There's one at the same time tomorrow. I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State, and show up 2 hours in advance."
"I never thought of it that way… What am I doing with my life… What am I…?"