Major Payne
Release: March 24, 1995
Release: March 24, 1995

Major Benson Winifred Payne is being discharged from the Marines. Payne is a killin' machine, but the wars of the world are no longer fought on the battlefield. A career Marine, he has no idea what to do as a civilian, so his commander finds him a job - commanding officer of a local school's JROTC program, a bunch or ragtag losers with no hope. Using such teaching tools as live grenades and real bullets, Payne starts to instill the corp with some hope. But when Payne is recalled to fight in Bosnia, will he leave the corp who has just started the believe in him, or will he find out that killin' ain't much of a livin'?

Major Payne: "What if this was a life-or-death situation?"
Alex: "But it's NOT a life-or-death situation."
Major Payne: "(takes a hand grenade and pulls the pin out) It is now!"
Alex: "What, are you guys crazy?? It's just a dummy grenade! (Major Payne throws the grenade, which explodes behind him; Alex then leaps into the mud.)"
Major Payne: "Who's the dummy now?"
Major Payne: "What do you want, Mr. PEE-body?"
Major Payne: "You like the way I handle these white boys?"
Cadet Williams: "Yeah, no doubt brother."
Major Payne: "Well let me tell you something."
Cadet Williams: "Yeah brother."
Major Payne: "I AM NOT YOUR DAMN BROTHER!!!!!!"
Major Payne: "Let me see that belly roll. One, tubby tubby. Come on pork chop. Two, tubby tubby."
Major Payne: "You tell Marlee Matlin's son if he does not get across that rope, I'm going to hang him with it."
Major Payne: "I like to hang upside-down blindfolded, then I take my gun apart and put it back together real fast before my nose begins to bleed. -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "War has made me very paranoid and when a man gets to eyeballin' me it makes MY AGENT ORANGE JACK UP, and I get the urge to kill. -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "What's so funny tubby? You found a gummy bear in your pocket? -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "(Bending Tiger's finger backwards ready to break it) You want me to show you a little trick to get your mind off that pain??? -Major Payne"
tommylees friend: "Tommy-lee! go outside, snacth yerself a squirrel, its time for breakfast! -tommylees friend"
Major Payne: "I'll stick my foot so far up you but that the sweat on my knee will quench your thirst -Major Payne"
deaf boy: "Dir yes Dir ( supposed to be Sir Yes Sir) -deaf boy"
Major Payne: "My name is MAJOR-BENSON-WINIFRED-PAYNE and as of 0800 I will be your commanding officer -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "What we've got here is a failure to communicate. - Major Payne"
Major Payne: "Maybe what he need is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy grow up. - Major Payne"
Tiger: "They won't let me go on a "Black Op," because I'm too little, and nobody ever lets you do anything when you're little. -Tiger"
Major Payne: "Move it, you turds! You'll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between "spit" and "syphilis!"... You there! Tell Marlee Matlin's son to get across that rope before I hang him with it! -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "From now on, you will not eat, sleep, blow your nose or dig in your butts without my say! Killin'is my business, ladies, and business is good! -Major Payne"
Major Payne: "Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst. - Major Payne"
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