The Burbs
Release: February 17, 1989
Release: February 17, 1989

This story takes place in a typical American neighborhood, when some new neighbors come to live in the house next to Ray Peterson. These new people are really strange; nobody has ever seen them, their house is a real mess, and during the night you can hear weird noises from their basement. The only thing they know is their name: Klopeks. One day Walter (an old man of the neighborhood) suddenly disappears and everyone starts to suspect the Klopeks...

Mark Rumsfield: "[Ray takes Walter's toupee out of his shorts] You've been carrying that around in your shorts all day?"
Ray Peterson: "After you left Walter's house yesterday, I slipped this back in, through the mail slot."
Art Wiengartner: "Well, where'd you get it from this time? [Ray gestures to the Klopeck's house]"
Ray Peterson: "After the dog got out of the basement, I found it wedged in between a bunch of magazines, which I might add, were all addressed to Walter!"
Art Wiengartner: "Then that means that..."
Mark Rumsfield: "Klopeck went back into the house and got the hair. What do we do now, soldier?"
Ray Peterson: "Well you heard them say they're leaving tomorrow morning? As soon as they're gone, I'm going over that fence, and I'm not coming back until I find a dead body."
Vic, Garbageman #1: "I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one way out, and the people are kind of weird."
Art Wiengartner: "Ray, there's nothing in here- we practically checked this whole truck. They-they must have switched on us during the night."
Joe, Garbageman #2: "The FBI?"
Art Wiengartner: "A thermostat on a home furnace; is that supposed to go to 5,000 degrees, you think?"
Art Wiengartner: "I don't know if you've noticed, but there's bars on the basement windows here."
Ray Peterson: "They've got holes in their porch, too."
Art Wiengartner: "Argh! That was a booby trap."
Ray Peterson: "Are you okay?"
Art Wiengartner: "Yeah."
Ray Peterson: "Oh, booby trap. I'm not gonna pay for that."
Art Wiengartner: "We shouldn't pay for that, we should sue them."
Mark Rumsfield: "Hey... Pinocchio! Where are you going?"
Hans Klopek: "[runs away and slips on dog poop]"
Mark Rumsfield: "[runs, slips and falls on poop too; then grabs him] Don't you make a move sonny. I was eighteen months in the bush and I could snap your neck in a heartbeat."
Hans Klopek: "Sardine?"
Bonnie Rumsfield: "I'm trying to cut back."
Reuben: "Mind your own business! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!"
Ray Peterson: "OKAY!"
Art Wiengartner: "Go ahead, tell him, Ray. We got the goods on them, don't we? You know, some day they're going to dig up the back of that yard and they're gonna find the rest of that skeleton to go with that femur. Oh it might not be Walter but it's gonna be some..."
Ray Peterson: "Shut up. SHUT UP, ART, SHUT UP! God, you don't know when to quit, do you? Look at me! I'm a shell of a man because of you, Art!"
Art Wiengartner: "[Ray is trying to jimmy the door open with a store credit card] Where did you learn to do that?"
Ray Peterson: "I *don't* know how to do this. [the credit card breaks]"
Art Wiengartner: "That's a shit store anyway."
Mark Rumsfield: "What have you got in the cellar, HERR Klopek!"
Art Wiengartner: "[finds a femur bone] Ray, there's no doubt anymore. This is real. Our neighbors are murdering people. They're chopping them up. They're burying them in their backyard. Ray... This is Walter. [They both scream]"
Ray Peterson: "No, Art, see, they're gonna think that I did it. Yeah, they are..."
Art Wiengartner: "Why?"
Ray Peterson: "Well the old guy... He saw me write a note and put it under Walter's door SO NOW THEY'RE GONNA THINK THAT I DID IT!"
Art Wiengartner: "...You wrote a note?"
Art: "Rumsfield and I, we flushed them out. We wrote a note, we slipped it under the door, we rang the bell and then we ran."
Ray Peterson: "You did that?"
Art: "Yeah."
Ray Peterson: "[Jumps up] OH GEEZ! STUPID IDI - I can't believe you - - [Crushes a beer can]"
Art: "All I did was write, "I know what you've done". That's all. I didn't sign it."
Ray Peterson: "OH! I can't belie - YOU STUPID... GOD!"
Art: "You gotta goose these people every once in a while. You gotta give them a little shot, give them a little whack, let them know that you're there."
Art Wiengartner: "Ray. Ray."
Ray Peterson: "I'm only trying to take a nap! I'm only laying here with my eyes closed trying to get some goddamn sleep!"
Art Wiengartner: "Ray. Ray."
Ray Peterson: "I'm only trying to take a nap! I'm only laying here with my eyes closed trying to get some goddamn sleep!"
Carol Peterson: "Where are you going?"
Ray Peterson: "I can't walk anywhere without you asking me where I'm going - I'm going to Paris, France, okay? I'm going to Banff, Canada, alright? That's where I'm going."
Carol Peterson: "Are you taking the dog?"
Ray Peterson: "Yeah, yeah, I'm taking the dog for a walk."
Mark Rumsfield: "Rumsfield's the name. Don't believe I caught yours, sonny?"
Hans Klopek: "H-H-Hans."
Mark Rumsfield: "Oh-ho! Hans! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Anderson! What are you, Catholic?"
Art: "[Art and Ricky are sitting on the porch when Ray comes out] He comes over here to smoke cigars, his wife won't let him, he doesnt know I know that... Hiya Ray! How ya doing bud?"
Ray: "[loud gunshots are heard] Art's got a gun"
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