The Private Eyes
Release: April 17, 1980

This old-dark-house spoof finds Inspector Winship (Don Knotts) and Dr. Tart (Tim Conway) summoned by Lord Morley to his mansion to reveal who killed him. Yes, you read that correctly. Unfortunately, Winship and Tart are The Yard's most inept detectives, and all of Morley's staff seem to be completely insane.

dr.tart: "sucked the brains clean out of a pig (SNORT) -dr.tart"
Dr.Tart: "that's why santa didn't make the rounds last christmas -Dr.Tart"
butler: "walk this way -butler"
hunchback: "neers neers ya standing in horse neers -hunchback"
letter: "by the way you are standing in bull caa caa -letter"
Dr.Tart: "throw him a chicken -Dr.Tart"
attendant: "I say you got stuff all over ya face -attendant"
Lord Morley: "I say, Victoria, no fair dozing before dinner. -Lord Morley"
Lady Morley: "Why don't you try to do one thing in your lifetime right? It could be quite a challenge! -Lady Morley"
Inspector Winship: "Let's go try to get some information out of these whackos. -Inspector Winship"
Dr. Tart: "You can grunt if you want to, but I believe in wookalars. -Dr. Tart"
Inspector Winship: "I wish you could find a cleaner way to send a message. -Inspector Winship"
Inspector Winship: "Did you have to bring so many pigeons? -Inspector Winship"
Inspector Winship: "You know, you're gonna be the death of me yet. -Inspector Winship"
Inspector Winship: "This isn't one of your better inventions. Who ever heard of a gun that went off every hour? -Inspector Winship"
Attendant: "You know who you are? You're the two idiots what got your picture in the newspaper. -Attendant"
Attendant: "Lord Morley knew his cars and he was a good driver -- why he was a licensed driver! -Attendant"
Attendant: "Well, they they go, Roy, the two idiots what's gonna leave their mark wherever they go. -Attendant"
Inspector Winship: "If it hadn't been for your hairbrained ideas, we wouldn't have had to leave the States. -Inspector Winship"
Inspector Winship: "Since I shot the chief in the foot with your stupid timegun, we're lucky he doesn't have us walking a beat. -Inspector Winship"
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