It's a beautiful sunny day in my bedroom. Not a cloud in sight and at a perfect 72 degrees. I'm your host, Cosgrove, here to bring you an exciting day of racing, racing, and more racing. I've brought out all of my favorite toy cars from my collection to create an invigorating race setting. Which one will win it all, I don't know! So find a comfortable seat and get ready to bare witness to the world of toy car racing. We got 32 drivers dreaming of clutching that prized trophy at the finish line, but only one will walk away a happy man.



Let's See How This Function Was Started
I was sitting on the couch today looking at a familiar site, the television. Channel surfing like none other, I came across a very intriguing channel. The channel flashed the images of amateur cars racing passed the camera. This had to be the Speed Channel. I'm generally not a huge fan, but I thought "what the hey?" I soon found myself captivated by the charm of these cars racing. Feeling throttled from the show I was watching, I decided to partake in my own racing adventure. But how?



I was running out of ideas until it hit me. I should get out my old Hot Wheels, Matchbox, and Johnny Lightning cars. Yes, and get my favorite race track! I quickly turned off my TV and headed to my closet. Digging through the countless retro things I had, I finally saw my car collection neatly packed into four plastic "garages". It took awhile, but I found my race track hidden behind some old Little Golden Books. I had all the ingredients, time to myself, and anticipation to get this shindig started.


I used to race my car collection on this very track more times than I can count. It was almost a weekend ritual to grab these cars and just race them for hours. I'd establish brackets, different racer names, rivalries, and prizes. I wouldn't just race them, I'd play with them. I'd have a pit area for damaged cars and a winner's circle. I'd drive each car from their pit area to the starting line making crowd noises as they passed the "stands" full of people. I'd race them and then drive them from the finish line back to their pit, where I'd do the proper tune-ups. It was all in the name of fun and I couldn't resist reliving these moments.

So, I broke out the track and started to assemble it. It's a simple procedure. All the pieces are inside the box and the box (when opened) acts as a hill. There's six pieces of track, four identical and two with a checkered flag sticker at the end. You connect two of the four together to create a long stretch of track, and then connect one of the stickered pieces at the end.

Then you connect this onto the box, and repeat the steps for the other side. At the very end is a connector that has a flag system attached to it. Whichever car passes the flag first, it indicates that by pointing the flag in its direction. The car's motion moves the flag. Simple.

There's also one more piece left to attach. The "Christmas Tree". The starting lights, that is. These really are just for aesthetic purposes. They don't turn on.

To describe how these cars race, there is a square button above the Christmas Tree that you push. This button is connected to two stoppers in front of the cars. When the button is pushed, this evenly brings down those stoppers, allowing the cars to fall down the hill. Nothing else to it.

Now, I got the whole setup made. There's just one more thing. I've noticed throughout the years I've raced my cars that the track is flawed. Right where the yellow track connects to the box itself, there seems to be too much of a dip in the track. When most cars reach this point they tend to fly off the track, creating an almost impossible way to find out who would win that individual race. I would have to retry and retry after every crash. I found a way around this. If I stick something underneath the track at that particular spot, then I have no worries. Cars just pass it without any indication of a loss of position during a race. So, I had to find the perfect thing to put under the track for this special occasion, and it came in the form of VHS. 2 VHS tapes to be exact. I found it only fitting to use my 2 Heroes on Hot Wheels VHS tapes I got back in the early 90's.

I saw them at the local grocery store and begged my mom for them. They came with their own cars and all. I used to watch these things all the time. Great bits of memories are projected when I see these videos.

Finally, I was ready to get this thing going, but which cars do I use? This is an inquiry that was not at all hard to decipher. All I had to do was open my boxes and just start pulling out my favs. I initially grabbed too many. I pulled out 40 cars, but after about thirty minutes of racing, I found out that I would eventually have 5 cars to race, which isn't really smart of me. So I scratched 8 cars from my list to have 16 sets of 2, which came out to be even. You can see my mistake in some of my pictures with cars that I did not race. Sorry. Anyway, I had my "32" cars, but how am I going to race these cars? All of them are different from one another. I had to pair the ones that were the most similar to get some accurate racing done. Examples include 'this car has the same aerodynamics as this one', 'this one is long like this one', or 'this one is the same weight as this one'. It was all scientific. You have to believe me. So I had all of my cars paired up, organized next to my track, and ready to get started. So let's start.



First Elimination
Alright, this is going to be the section where I give some info on each car, who their racing, and the outcome of the race. The next sections are just strictly about the races. Sorry for not having pics of the other elimination rounds. I thought it would be too cluttered with pics if I took pictures of each race. Luckily, the first round has pics, so you can refer back to this point for some visual help. I don't know the real names of each car. Though, using my creativity I've formulated some names for each contestant. Either using what the car looks like or how it drives down the track, I've attached a nickname for each to help you out. In the descriptions I use acronyms to shorten my typing. Some of the names are long. Anyways, here we go!

Red with Black Flames (RwBF) vs Blue Truck (BT)

Both of these cars are fairly new. I think I got them near the end of my Hot Wheel collecting phase in 5th grade. I always liked RwBF's paint job, and BT had a really cool drag racing style. It has these wheelie bars in the back and a huge spoiler. The excitement was taught with the anticipation of the first race of the day. These two competitors looked eager to start. I placed them at the top of the hill. I pushed the button and before I could say "What a race", it was over. RwBF had won the race. This is a rarity, especially since I organized all the cars with competitors that are similar. I had my first winner and I placed him in the winner's area were he would wait for his next opponent who is up next in the round of this elimination.


Speaker Car (...) vs Sparkle Limo (...)

SC is probably the oldest car in the competition. I believe I got it in the early 90's. If there was a car about as old as SC, it would be SL. The limo has white walls as tires, something not seen in a while in the Hot Wheels series. I call SC SC (hahahaha) because it has 3 subs and 4 amps in the back. I could have easily called it Thumper with the thumps that might have come out of the back. SL is actually a really cool car. I would use it to carry most of the winners of these races to the "after parties" that usually started after the racing events. I know, I was partying it up even at a young age! On top of the limo is a sunroof, enabling you to look inside. Inside, a wine bottle and some wine glasses can be seen on top of the table. The interior is a beautiful velvet red (and everything else, for that matter). I thought that the limo had earned itself the right to race today, so I threw it into the mix. I put the two cars at the top of the hill and pushed the square button. The cars went down the incline and the limo had won. What a surprise! I thought the elongated shape of the car would hinder it from winning. Fortunately for SL, SC was slow enough. It hit me like a ton of bricks; I had used SC in my sandbox when I was little. There must have been some granules of sand left in the wheels that made it go slower than the limo. Congrats SL, your hard work had paid off. Unfortunately, you have to face Red with Black Flames next round.


Red Race Car vs Black Race Car

These two are the jocks of the group of cars I selected. They are two different race cars that are both really heavy. They have the most metal in them out of all the other cars. Ironically, Red has a Ford decal plastered on the hood, while Black has a Chevy one. I really have no favorite here, but I think Red will edge it out because it's slightly bigger. So, I started the race. It was a heated battle to see who'll win with the lead changes that occurred. It only took one try, but I had another winner. Black had won! Cool, the smaller one pulled out a victory.


NASA vs Glider

I have a deep rooted connection to this race. NASA is a newbie, though. I really have never raced him, but I felt like I needed to for today to test him out. I pitted him with my all time favorite car, Glider (actually called Power Pipes {per the bottom of the car}). I used to collect every Glider that I saw in the store. I got this specific Glider at a car show in Dallas one year. To explain, my friend and I were rolling some Hot Wheels down his driveway. His driveway was kind of steep and had these deep cracks in it. Every car that we had let roll down the hilly slab had not made it down without flipping over. Crash after crash became an ordinary sight, until Glider (Power Pipes) came up. My friend had the original one (unlike the one in my picture). It was a dark purple with a light purple canopy. We let it go down the driveway. The first bump came up. Pop, it jumped right over it! The next one came, and it bumbled over it. One after another the car just seemed to "glide" down the driveway, until the last one came. It hit the crack and did some pretty amazing flips and corkscrews. It stuck its landing and finished down the hill, passing all the other cars. My friend and I were ecstatic. We had chalked it up to the fact that it had these "pipes" on the top that allowed it to right itself back to its wheels. Needless to say, I wanted this car to win today's race. Sadly, it did not. NASA took the race in a clean sweep. Don't feel bad, though. I still have 4 Gliders for later installments. Hell yeah!


Stunt Track Driver vs Black Drag Racer

I believe STD (hahahaha) came with the first Hot Wheels: Stunt Track Driver PC game. I'm not sure, but I know it was a car you could drive on the game. Anyways, that became its name for this article. BDR looks as its name suggests. It's another one that I got in the later part of my childhood. They seem to be similar, so I thought it would be a good race, and it was. It took 4 tries to get one of them to win. You see, there is a flaw in this race track. There always seems to be some sort of tie. This could happen when both cars get to the indicator at the end at the same time. Most of the time one is a split second earlier than the other. But somehow the losing car edges enough distance to hit the indicator in time. When both cars hit the flag mechanism at the same time the results are explosive. Really. Both cars usually wind up off the track. It makes sense. It would be like both cars ramming into one another or running into a wall. After each tie (or any wreck) I'd move the car that was in lane 1 to lane 2, and vice versa for the other car. This helped to keep an even playing field. So, I had to race these two 3 more times. Eventually, a winner emerged. STD FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I never thought I'd say that phrase..... ever!)


Black Future Car vs Hot Wheels Car

This matchup pits a fairly old car against a fairly new one (in retrospect). BFC is the older of the two. It is your average looking futuristic looking car. I think I got it at a KB Toystore at the mall, but I'm not sure. The HWC is one I got during some Christmas. It's a pretty cool car. It has an orange cockpit that has fallen off. I have no idea where it ran off to, but it's still a cool car. There are clear orange flames at the tail end of the car, resembling the Hot Wheels logo when matched with the words on the side of the car. This race only took one try. HWC was the clear winner. Maybe BFC was played in the sandbox, too. All of my old cars always seemed to wind up in the sandy pit when I was younger.


The Fast and the Furious Car vs Double Dare

I really have no idea when I got TFatFC. It obviously looks like the newest car out of all the opponents. Maybe it's my little nephew's that somehow got mixed into my collection, or I got it recently as a stocking stuffer for Christmas. Either way, I thought I'd throw it into the competition. His opponent is DD (terrible name, I know). He's called DD for the obvious two sections it has; one having a cockpit and the other the massive engine. Don't ask how it drives; just accept the fact that it just does. How many of you would have thought that TFatFC would have won? It didn't. DD took it in won try. Congrats.


Sox & Martin vs Blue Max II

These two cars were purchased at a store in Houston during a trip to the NASA Space Center. I used to love anything about space when I was little, so my family took a trip down to Houston to see everything. Awesome. Haven't been since, but I want to. Anyways, I bought these two cars (and two others later in the event) at a store our first night there. They are not Hot Wheels or Matchbox, but Johnny Lightning cars from a series of drag racing legends. These are actual cars. S&M (haha, I gotta stop these acronyms) doesn't open, but BMII (the first Blue Max was really blue) does. These Johnny Lightning cars were always the cream of the crop in my races. One of them always seemed to win, most of the time it was S&M. Wouldn't you know it, S&M won this race. He's moving on.


Prism vs Gold Atlantic

I didn't know at the time, but I really pitted the worst car in the event against one of the best. Prism is an excellent car to look at. I got it sometime in '96, and the window has even turned yellow (was clear). It really didn't deserve to be in the race. Since the wheels are covered with only a little tire showing, it made it hard to race. It got to the end of the hill and the front and tail end scraped the ground. I wasn't really thinking straight with this one. Well, since you already know how this ends I'll just tell you about Gold Atlantic. This is the only Matchbox car in the racing competition. That's sad since I had some more in my collection, but I never considered myself a Matchbox kid. I was all Hot Wheels, baby. This car is, I believe, a replica of a concept car Chrysler made. This car has never not made it to the Final Four (last four cars). Matchbox cars are just built like that. The axels are not as fixed as Hot Wheels allowing them to be more suitable to hit bumps better and be quicker. They also weigh less without all of the extra material. Sometimes it's not good to be too light, but this car has the best distribution of every element. Congrats GA for another win.


Metal '57 vs Gator '57

Out of all of the pairings I made, this is the one that makes the most sense. I don't really need to explain why, do I? I got the Metal one in the early 90's. You can tell that it was made during that time period with the neon design. The 80's and early 90's were all about bright colors and this car represents it well. The design sort of reminds me of the wall thingy from the place where the gang of Saved by the Bell hung out at, or maybe the new Doritos design. There's even tiger print on the fin. This car's challenger is the same car, but with gators printed on it and is from McDonalds. I got this car in a Happy Meal one time. I think it came with alligator tattoos, so that explains the gator thing. Even though the two cars are identical, Gator is extremely lighter than Metal. Hmmm, I wonder why? Gator is all plastic (minus the axel). I don't think I've ever gotten a metal toy in a Happy Meal. Maybe they thought metal would be too dangerous for kids who like to hurl things at their parents. Anyways, I had my money on Metal winning. It's like bobsledding, the more weight you have in the front, the bigger advantage you have. Poor John Candy cheated in the '72 Olympics (Cool Runnings). Metal won the match and moved on to the next Elimination round.


Purple Batmobile vs Airplane Car

This one was easy to match-up. I chose the two cars that looked like they could fly in the air. PB is one I always found pretty cool. How they were able to make it is beyond me (copyright infringement?), but it's a pretty decent Hot Wheel. You can open the cockpit to reveal the instrument panels and a small guy. This car was up against AC. This is a pretty new car that looks really cool. It's super creative and the propeller even works, just not as it's flying down the track. I wasn't sure who'd win this one so I started the race immediately. The PB edged out an easy win over AC. Not really exciting, just your run of the mill race.


Black Prowler vs Purple Devil

BP is just a cool name that I gave it. There really isn't much emotional attachment to this car. I guess I got it one time at Target or Wal-Mart. PD is one I actually remember getting. I got it on a Friday sometime after my birthday at a KB Toystore. I got it to play on this set I got from my grandma for my birthday. I call it PD because of the two fenders over the front wheels. They've always looked like devil horns, so the name stuck. An odd feature is the person driving the car. He is extremely bigger than what a normal driver for a Hot Wheels car would be. Compare him to the doors/ front seats of the rest of the cars in this article. Yeah, he's huge! To the race. It was a grudge. It only took one try, but it looked like it was going to be a tie, but BP won it in a squeaker.


Motown Shaker vs L.A.P.D.

These are the other Johnny Lightning cars I got on our trip to Houston. Once again, only one opens up. MS has my favorite paintjob out of the 4 JL cars. It's a dark green paint with some awesome flames. His opponent is the car from the movie starring David Spade and Chris Farley, Black Sheep. I'm just kidding, but that's what I always thought. LAPD has a front passenger hubcap missing, actually. JL cars were prone to this because their wheels weren't a single piece of plastic, but two (the tire and wheel/ hubcap). I started the race and found out that the missing hubcap made all the difference. Not really, I'm joking, but MS did win this one, but not without a crash. On the first try, the two hit the flag so hard that MS flew off the track and landed in the winner's area. I took a picture of the aftermath to demonstrate the carnage that can ensue during these wrecks.

On the second try, MS mowed down the competition. Next contestants, please.


Big Purple Engine vs My Dad's Z28

Now, here's a match-up. BPE is just a car with a huge engine that hinders the driver's view. How it made it down the track is beyond me. I'm not sure where I got this car, but I wanted to race it. The Z28 is the cheapest car in this event, but it is the only one that I've lived with all of my life. My dad has and has always had the actual car of this toy, a 1971 Camaro Z28. I love that car so dearly. My dad and I could never find a toy version of his car, but when we did, we celebrated and instantly bought it. We found this one in a cheap set of cars that you usually find in the dollar store. I don't know what happened to the rest of those cars, but I cherished this one. It's only ever won an entire racing championship once, and I might have had a hand in it purposely making the other cars lose. But I was determined to do this race legit. I raced the two and it was a drawl. Both of them hit the flag at the same time, so I tried it again. Oh great, the Z28 lost by a hair. Needless to say, this race bummed me out, but I trudged on.


T-top vs Pizza Car

I'm pretty proud of matching these two up, and you'll see why later. I'm not sure when I got the gold T-top, but I remember playing with it on that playset I mentioned earlier that my grandma bought me. I do remember when I got the PC. This car was a part of the food series from around '97. I had the Glider in this series that had spaghetti noodles all over it. I got both during the Christmas of '97. Let me explain why this match-up was such a good one. The first race was a tie, but I wasn't surprised at all. The bodies of both cars are pretty identical, but the T-top being a little heavier. So I started the next try, but behold a tie once again. I tried this, and I kid you not, another 12 times. I kept a fully tally record while racing these two. I soon got tired and made the PC the winner by default on account it had the better paintjob. I was upset I had to do this, but I was getting tired of grabbing the cars, placing them at the top of the hill, and then racing them again. I'm sorry if you think this screws up the competition, but you should have been there. It was pretty spectacular and I was screaming at the cars to hurry up and finish the race. Either to take a dive or put more effort in winning. I know, I'm lame.

Purple and Pink vs Stealth

The last match of the first Elimination period. P&P is a car that looks kind of cool. There are two glass bubbles where the passenger and driver sit. I always thought that that would be a pretty funny idea. Imagine picking up some girl you've been smitten for awhile for your first date in this car. You walk up to the door and her father answers it. You start talking to him while you wait on your date, and then she comes out. You start heading out the door to make it to the movie that starts in 15 minutes, but as you do so, her father gives this little nugget of advice. "I don't wanna see any hanky-panky from you two." Hearing this, you turn around and say while pointing to your car, "Don't worry, sir. I don't think that will be a problem." Anyways, Stealth is one of the other elites in my car collection (along with the JL cars and Gold Atlantic). This car has won plenty of races in its day. It was gifted with the Pizza Car on that same Christmas. I think my mom thought I needed some more Hot Wheels. The number was staggering. So, I got the name from the sound it makes when it flies down this track. The sound is almost like a metallic hum. I don't know how it makes the sound, but it's pretty cool. The blue part of the car lifts up like those 2 JL cars from earlier. I had a strong guess in who was going to win this one, and it turned out how I planned it to happen. Stealth won it in a close battle.






Second Elimination
From here on out I'd like to remind everyone that there will be fewer pictures and less info. Sorry, I'd like to paint a vivid picture of every race like Pat Summerall, but I simply can't. But, here are the racers for this round. Look at all of them lined up in neat rows and columns!


Red with Black Flames vs Sparkle Limo
This race was a simple contest of a small and quick car versus a long and slower car. It was no contest, RwBF won by about 2 and a half car lengths....er, 2.5 normal car lengths, not SL size. Congrats RwBF, you've made it to the Elite Eight!


Black Race Car vs NASA
I was fully expecting Black Race Car to win this one, but he didn't. Both cars were pretty much the same weight and had pretty good wheel rotation, but I guess NASA wanted it more (I joke). This race took 3 tries, but it was soon over. NASA is becoming the Cinderella story of this event. I'm sort of rooting for this car to win it all.


Stunt Track Driver vs Hot Wheels Car
This race only took a single try, and HWC became the victor. I guess STD wasn't made to race, just do tricks. Let's just say the fans weren't chanting STD after this race.


Double Dare vs Sox & Martin
This one took one try, as well. I wasn't surprised at all. DD's large engine might have been its downfall. The engine probably causes too much of a weight difference between the two sides. This, in turn, causes one side to get ahead of itself. I'm probably reading too much into this, they're just toy cars.


Gold Atlantic vs Metal '57
I had to do this one two times. GA bumbled off the track before it could reach the finish line. My first true crash. Like I said before, the Matchbox axel on their cars gives them the ability to go over bumps with little effort, but they also cause the cars to jump a little too much which could lead to jumping off the track. So, I retried the race and GA passed with flying colors beating the Metal '57.


Purple Batmobile vs Black Prowler
This one was a close race. So close that the flag barely nicked the loser just enough to not cause a tie and determine a winner. That loser was PB, not BP. Am I confusing you, yet?


Motown Shaker vs Big Purple Engine
This was a quick win. I was starting to love those. I had been doing this for about an hour, but was taking my time savoring every moment. MS won this one. I guess that large engine wasn't enough weight to win this race for BPE.


Pizza Car vs Stealth
This match-up was a very intriguing one. Any race that this pizza car takes place in is always a long one. This race was composed of 5 tries, with 2 wrecks and 2 ties. The two wrecks were from both cars. Sometimes they just have trouble over that dip that I fixed anyways. They cross over it and just somehow flip off the track. Eventually Stealth won on the fifth try.