It has been a while since I've had a chance to sit down and spew out a mediocre article on a moderately interesting subject, but today I can feel Saint Elmos fire burning in me, and I must answer the call. So I have something to disclose to you... something that will shake your very foundation. I warn you this is not for the faint of heart, or women who are or may become pregnant, side affects may include; eye strain, disorientation, loss of appetite, and in some rare cases death. Here we go!
Shake down 1989, cool kids never have the time, because they're passing their hours away plugging into their favorite videogames. Life was sweet and easy with videogames, just you and the controller and nothing between you. Video games were undoubtedly the way to our hearts, and it didn't take long for the market to catch on to this, a point proven by the shelf sitting next to me full of Zelda watches, a mario wallet, nintendo trophies, and figurines. Everybody was looking to cash in on this endeavor, the nintendo craze personified itself in every damn thing you could see, smell, or taste. Breakfast cereals are a milestone for any craze, when you have your own breakfast cereal you know your set, and yes nintendo had one.
Because Nintendo had it's own cereal produced by that company that uses the Purina dogfood symbol there wasn't much room for any other type of nintendo breakfast foods, leaving the folks at General Mills and Kellogs grinding their teeth in frustration. Granted one lucky company did get to include nintendo "this game belongs to..." stickers in their boxes, but that's only second best. Keep this little dilemna in mind, it will become crucial later.
Ok so fast forward about six years, super nintendo has come and made it's mark in our lives and the nintendo boom has boiled down a bit, at least as far as novelty production is concerned. One noteworthy game that made quite an impact was Super Mario Allstars which for all you closet dwellers was a combination game which rallied all three of the original Super Mario bros. games as well as the Japanese version of Mario 2, with graphic revision for the Snes of course. This also becomes relevent in a moment, bear with me here.
So remember those cereal corporates I mentioned earlier? During production of this game they were making up for lost time, pullling a few strings, calling on a few favors from those nintendo graphics designers. What I'm saying here is that when your playing Super Mario Brothers three on All Stars, your subjecting yourself to subliminal advertsing and almost certain cereal consumption. Yes sir-ee those bastards have coated our susceptible minds with their sugary goodness for goodness sakes. Don't think I'm being funny here, this is as serious as the ending to Final Fantasy VII. And now to prove my point, I give you, the cereal insertions of Super Mario 3. Before you go any further look at the above picture and see if you can identify the cereals we'll be looking at...Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Where to be spotted: anywhere and everywhere, there the damn blocks you walk on for crying out loud!
Can you see why kids love SMB3? There's cinnamon swirls all over every level! By far the most noticable and abundant of the cereal invaders. These are a not so subtle spittng image of their swirly fathers. Getting hungry yet?Froot Loops
Where to be spotted: at the bottom of the sea-sea-sea.
Just follow your nose and you'll easily spot these four-stacked beauties. Kudos to Nintendo for hosting the cherry loops which are undoubtedly the best! Notice also how they had the tremendous foresight to make them look smooth and puffy, take some froot loops and toss them in a pail of water, the result will be identical to the picture above. By now your probably pulliing your jaw up from the floor, that or rushing to the nearest supermarket for box of sugar coated corn puffs.Cap'n Crunch
Where to find: In the belly of the underwater plants and in a store near you.
While sailing from his island where slave children pick crunch berries at the rsik of getting crunchitized the Cap'n hit some rough weather and lost some of his precious cargo. The inhabiting plants have eaten those berries and now spew them at Mario as he passes overhead. This is the only cereal that they actually placed as a hazard in the game, ironic because everytime I eat Crunch berries they assault the roof of my mouth and tear it to shreds. Somebody pass the milk... or else.C-3PO's
Where to find: Aerial and some water levels.
This one is by far my favorite of the breakfast bunch, mostly because I'm a sucker for novelty cereals of all varieties. Some people say these look like cheerios, but i just don't see it. In the game these are used as temporary foundation for Mario to stand on. Mmmmmm... 32 bit goodness.
There you go, four cereals that have infiltrated your subconcious with with sly intent. These are just the tip of the iceberg, there are plenty of other cereals to be found, but I'll leave that up to you. I think Fleetwood Mac said it best with; "You can go your own waaaaaayyyyyyy" so go ahead, make your move, don't give those corporate giants the satisfaction of tricking you into buying thier vole villages.
You heard it here first.