Bill:
"Buster Keaton? He must have spent three weeks painting the whole town black and white, and then when that house falls on him he doesn't make a sound! Not so much as a "My God, that was close"..."
Greame:
"Rolf Harris... Number of legs... variable"
Tim:
"But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans!"
Annoucer:
"Captain Fish-Face has your children, if you want them back send 2000 wrapper from Fish-Face Cod Peices....but make it quick!"
Tim:
"Don't buy string, string is evil!"
Greame:
"What have you done to my pussy?"
Tim:
"You're a looney"
Music Master:
"Thank You"
Tim:
"When these three were born, we did not know who the father was, so we each took one.
Sometimes I think we might have made a mistake"
Greame:
"Bloody Band of the Coldstream Guards"
Greame:
"Your private life is no concern of ours."
Tim:
"Once a Knight, always a knight,
Twice a night and you're doing all right!"
Greame:
"Roll up, roll up to Camelot in 1973
And tour the Middle Ages for only 50p"
The Giant:
"There is more to being a giant than size, you know"
Greame:
"You've seen Saturday Night Fever, haven't you?"
Tim:
"It's X-rated. I'd be too scared."
Tim:
"Graeme, why are you dressed as a woman?"
Graeme:
"What! Three chaps going to a dance. People would stare!"
Bill:
"I'm wearing my tails, my top hat, my cane and my taps
(referring to his 'tap shoes' — with real water taps on the toes of his shoes)"
Beans Boy:
"When I've had a hard day at school
My mummy always makes it a rule
To give me what I like best
Which means a plate of lovely hot baked.... um, potatoes....
("Get it right!" - Gets plate of beans in face)"
Bill:
"(seeing two gumbies)
Hello John, Eric."
John Cleese:
"And Now for something completely different
(Audience cheers)"
Tim:
"Push off"
John Cleese:
"Kid's Programme!"
Beans boy:
"My mum bought me some string today
Cos string is better than beans
She always gives me.....
(Gets a plate of beans in the face)"
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