"How many 'Hail Mary's' do you have to say for grabbing a priest's butt?"
"I know the German word for constipation, which I believe is farfrompoopin."
"As my assistant, occasionally you may need to assist me."
"Big 3-0, huh? It's the perfect age. You can date college girls *and* their mothers."
"I had sex with this woman, Kevin. And she wants to get pregnant. She kidnapped 'my guys!' And she put them in the freezer!"
"That old story."
"If the Deputy Mayor speaks in his office, and there are no cameras to hear, does he make a sound?"
"Mr. Mayor... what's your favorite sexual position?"
"Well, that's really not any of your business. However, I hear yours is 'Man on top, woman in magazine.'"
"I don't have the patience to ask you again. Leave me alone or I'll have you terminated."
"You can't fire me."
"I meant killed."
"Now, I don't want to hear any excuses."
"You sure, 'cause I've been saving the doozy. It starts out as an excuse but I end up blaming James."
"We shouldn't have culturally insensitive sex."
"Anybody read this? Bingo died."
"Ohh! Who's Bingo?"
"Only the city's most decorated police dog."
"Oh, yeah, right. He pulled that drowning kid out of the reservoir."
"And didn't he sniff out 10 kilos of cocaine at La Guardia?"
"Yeah. Poor little guy didn't sleep for weeks after that."
"There are 10 commandments. I'd like your dates to check out on at least seven of them."
"Look at Dick Clark. Not a grey hair on his head and he's as popular now as he was...100 years ago."
"Mr Mayor, would you consider marching in the Gay Pride Parade this week?"
"What, are you drunk?"
"My grandmother thought that a homosexual was a person who slept with one person their whole life. We were gonna let it slide but she kept telling the mailman she was a homosexual."