Mike Brady:
"Carol, we've only been on a few minutes. Are you telling me we've already been canceled?"
Greg Brady:
"Music is my life!"
Mike Brady:
"Welcome back to another Brady Bunch Hour!"
Carol Brady:
"Yeah, the show that asks the musical question"
Mike Brady:
"Am I really that bad a singer?"
Carol Brady:
"Our guests for tonight's show are..."
Marcia Brady:
"Uh, Mom, he's not serious is he? He sounds serious."
Carol Brady:
"I know he sounds serious. I've heard him sing."
Carol Brady:
"You know, honey, for a guy with his own television show, you're still a pretty fair architect."
Mike Brady:
"Hey, thanks! I think it's kind of therapy for me, you know. Architects don't need Neilsen ratings to tell them who's watching their buildings."
Bobby Brady:
"Mr. Berle, we need your help. You see, we're about as funny as the Waltons."
Milton Berle:
"No, you're not."
Rich Little:
"Who are all these kids?"
Carol Brady:
"Uh, these are our sons and daughters."
Rich Little:
"Oh boy, you two have been busy, haven't you?"
Milton Berle:
"I feel like the loser on The Gong Show."
Milton Berle:
"One more kid and you're eligible for statehood."
Mike Brady:
"Mr Berle... why are you here?"
Milton Berle:
"Bad luck, I guess."
Greg Brady:
"What has six eyes, sex appeal, smokes a cigar and wears a toupee?"
Everyone:
"What?"
Greg Brady:
"Tonight's three guests."
Bobby Brady:
"Compared to us, Donny and Marie are Cheech and Chong!"
Carol Brady:
"We really think we have a terrific show for you tonight!"
Marcia Brady:
"It's loaded with music, dancing and lots of comedy."
Bobby Brady:
"Stay tuned, folks. The comedy starts right after this monologue."
Jan:
"Why couldn't I have been one of the Waltons?"
Jan:
"Oh, why can't I be dead?"
Marcia:
"Yeah! Why can't Jan be dead?"
Jan:
"What'll my friend think? Oh, I could just roll up in a little ball and die!"
Carol:
"He's even going to dance class. Do you think he likes that? Do you think your father enjoys wearing tights?"
Carol:
"Is that it? Is that the kind of miserable, ungrateful children you are?"
Mike:
"When you left here, it was all fun and games. Now it's assault with a deadly rollerskate?"
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