"My dad's an asshole."
"Okay. Good. Um, is that something you can maybe elaborate on for me a little?"
"Okay. My dad's a giant asshole."
"You know what? I ought to come over there and kick your bony little ass if I wasn't going to have my 5 year-old daughter do it!"
"You keep this up and you're gonna die alone. Like a dog. Like a bum. Like Van Gogh."
"Are you alright, Man?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I was just listening to what you were saying. Um, could you repeat it so I could get it down?"
"You're an asshole, and my dad's a bastard!"
"I hate you! You did this to me you miserable piece of dick-brained, horseshit slime-sucking son of a whore bitch!"
"That's perfect! I got it all on film, the kids will love it!"
"I'll shove an "Arnie Loves You" lunchbox up your ass!"
"You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong cord."
"We'll crack open another bottle just as soon as I circumcise your son!"
"Sam! My water broke!"
"Well, we'll get you another one!"
"If it's not one thing, it's your mother."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm ten days late."
"And there's no way you could have had it and just not noticed?"