"Good show, old man."
"Why don't you speak with Fester, darling? He's right outside the door."
"I would speak with Fester if that WERE Fester. But, that is not! That's an impostor, an impostore! A charlatan! A sham! A counterfeit! A flimflam!"
"Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"
"Are they made with real Girl Scouts?"
"Are they dead?"
"Does it matter?"
"Love/hate, hate/love. Like for mama, no?"
"But, I didn't hate my mother. It was an accident."
"Spirits above me, give me a sign. Should I be joyous, or shall I be damned?"
"You were a terrible mother! There! I said it."
"DAMN YOU, ADDAMS!"
"Sorry about that window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full!"
"Ah ha! SHOWTIME!"
"We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you."
"He looks so sweet. Looks just like a little entrée."
"Thing, you're a handful."
"Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job."
Sally Jessy Raphael:
"Mr. Addams, please stop calling! We do not know where they meet!
-Sally Jessy Raphael"
"This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else."
"Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe. Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe. Uncle Nick-Nack."
"Hush, mama! It's for charity! Widows and orphans. We need more of them.
"Wednesday, play with your food."
"Your first cigar!"
"What? Come on, Old Man, I've smoked since I was 5. Mother insisted."