Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Release: December 17, 2004

Narrated by Jude Law as the voice of the children's author Lemony Snicket. Three wealthy children, the Bauldaire children, have just learned that their parents have been killed in a fire which destroys their mansion. The children get adopted by an evil character named Count Olaf (Jim Carrey), who is determined to take the kids in just to kill them and inherit their fortune. When he finds out that the kids have learned of his intentions, he stops treating them nicely and decides to lock them up before killing them. The children keep breaking out of the count's evil rule and moving into different foster homes but it seems the Count is ahead of them at every step. Brad Silberling ('Casper'; 'Moonlight Mile') directs from the screenplay by Robert Gordon ('Men in Black II'; 'Galaxy Quest'); Based on the first three installments "The Bad Beginning", "The Reptile Room" and "The Wide Window" by Lemony Snicket. Produced by Laure McDonald & Walter F. Parkes and Jim Van Wyck; Executive Produced by Scott Rudin, Barry Sonnenfeld, Julia Pistor and Albie Hecht. Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks Pictures present, a Parkes/MacDonald production; a Nickelodeon Movies production

Trailers

"(starts) 12/17th" spot (ABC/WWoD 'HP1' [11/13/04])

Activision's official videogame spot (Nick 'UPL' [11/17/04])

Scholastic's Movie Tie-In books spot ("12/17th"; Nick 'UPL' [11/17/04])

"(starts) 12/17th" spot (Nick 'UPL' [11/17/04])

"Now Available on DVD and Video [4/16]" trailer (‘FOP:SGP’ 8/30/05 DVD)

"Only in Theaters 12/17th" trailer (‘Shrek 2’ 11/5/04 DVD)

Posters

Quotes

Snicket: "This would be an excellent time to walk out of the theater, living room, or airplane where this film is being shown."

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Count Olaf: "Sure, I get the good parking spots, but who could love a man with one leg and a face like a hen's arse?"

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Violet: "There's always something."

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Count Olaf: "Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. My name is Stephano, I am an Italian man."

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Count Olaf: "They used to call me Old MacDonald up at the old Milking Lab there, because I'd milk these things all day long. But the little udders... they're hard to locate..."

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Count Olaf: "I saved him! I saved the boy from the leeches! Back to the depths, you fingery devils! You will not devour this boy's head today!"

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Mr. Poe: "Children, I'm afraid I must inform you of an extremely unfortunate event. I'm very, very sorry to tell you this but your parents have perished in a fire that has destroyed your entire home."

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Snicket: "This is the story of the three Baudelaire children. Violet loved to invent; her brother, Klaus, loved to read; and their sister, Sunny... she loved to bite. My name is Lemony Snicket and it is my duty to tell you their tale. No one knows the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire, but just like that, the Baudelaire children became the Baudelaire orphans."

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Count Olaf: "I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted!"

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Uncle Monty: "We can have time for chit-chat later. What I need now is the work of a reader, an inventor, and a biter."

Sunny: "My teeth are at your service, sir."

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Snicket: "I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. For instance: Klaus, when Sunny was born, didn't like her at all; but by the time she was six weeks old, the two of them were as thick as thieves - a phrase which here means "fetching and biting for hours on end". In the case of Count Olaf, however..."

Count Olaf: "Orphans!"

Snicket: " ...they were correct."

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Count Olaf: "Looks like you could use a little assistance."

Klaus: "You're gonna need assistance when we get back to town! Aunt Josephine's gonna tell everyone what happened!"

Count Olaf: "And then I'll be arrested and sent to jail and you'll live happily ever after with a friendly guardian, spending your time inventing things and reading books and sharpening your little monkey teeth, and bravery and nobility will prevail at last, and this wicked world will slowly but surely become a place of cheerful harmony, and everybody will be singing and dancing and giggling like the littlest elf! A happy ending! Is that what you had mind?"

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Count Olaf: "All that I ask is that you do each and every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind."

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Snicket: "If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it."

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Uncle Monty: "Now, the children will be helping us extensively with the research in Peru. Do you have any experience with children?"

Count Olaf: "Children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one. I do know that they are an important part of the ecosystem."

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Klaus: "This is ridiculous! Violet's only 14! She can't be legally married!"

Count Olaf: "She can if she has the permission of her guardian. And who's that? Oh, yes. Me! (laughs maniacally) Look it up, bookworm!"

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Count Olaf: "I must say, you are a gloomy looking bunch. Why so glum?"

Klaus: "...Our parents just died."

Count Olaf: "Ah yes, of course. How very, very awful. Wait! Let me do that one more time. Give me the line again! Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind!"

Klaus: "Our parents just died?"

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Snicket: "I'm sorry to say that this is not the movie you will be watching. The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to see a film about a happy little elf, then I'm sure there is still plenty of seating in theatre number two. However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches, Italian food, and secret organizations, then stay, as I retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children's woeful steps."

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