hey guys i gotta present a poem in class 2day and i was wondering if i could run it by you guys, and get some feedback real quick. thanks for all critizim
“The Words that Haunt Me”
The empty space, waiting to be filled
By the emotions and pain, deep down inside that I feel.
Thoughts of love, lust, loneliness, and rage.
All the things I am feeling inside, but cant seem to put on the page.
I know what I want to say, I just can’t express it.
How can I put what I feel, in a sophisticated way were people still get the message?
I’ve a lot on my mind, but do I dare?
Express what I feel, and will my audience really care?
These words, they haunt me, like a ghost in an old abandoned house.
In my head, I know what I wish to say, but just can’t get it out.
Ahhh! Dam the person, who put this task before me!
Don’t they realize how much I hate writing poetry?!
“The Words that Haunt Me”
The empty space, waiting to be filled
By the emotions and pain, deep down inside that I feel.
Thoughts of love, lust, loneliness, and rage.
All the things I am feeling inside, but cant seem to put on the page.
I know what I want to say, I just can’t express it.
How can I put what I feel, in a sophisticated way were people still get the message?
I’ve a lot on my mind, but do I dare?
Express what I feel, and will my audience really care?
These words, they haunt me, like a ghost in an old abandoned house.
In my head, I know what I wish to say, but just can’t get it out.
Ahhh! Dam the person, who put this task before me!
Don’t they realize how much I hate writing poetry?!
A creative writing teacher once told me once, don't TELL people, SHOW people.
When you use words like "pain", "lust", "rage", it gets boring.
Better to paint a picture or scenario with your words rather than tell them how you feel.
When you use words like "pain", "lust", "rage", it gets boring.
Better to paint a picture or scenario with your words rather than tell them how you feel.
The empty space, waiting to be filled
By the emotions and thought, deep down inside that I feel.
Sitting in an empty room, conjuring up my thoughts fill me with rage.
All things I am feeling inside, but can’t seem to put on the page.
is that a lil bit better
The empty space, waiting to be filled
By the emotions and thoughts, deep down inside that I feel.
Sitting in an empty room, conjuring up my thoughts fill me with rage.
All things I am feeling inside, but can’t seem to put on the page.
I know what I want to say, I just can’t express it.
How can I put what I feel, in a sophisticated way were people still get the message?
I’ve a lot on my mind, but do I dare?
Express what I feel, and will the audience care?
These words, they haunt me, like a ghost in an old abandoned house.
In my head, I know what I wish to say, but just can’t get it out.
Ahhh! Dam the person, who put this task before me!
If there’s anything I hate, its writing poetry!
To me, creating a poem is as easy as conquering Everest itself.
Pre-drafts, and reading for inspiration, are of no help.
This proves to be a task most difficult no matter what I try.
Creating poetry is pure Hell, and I would much rather die.
By the emotions and thought, deep down inside that I feel.
Sitting in an empty room, conjuring up my thoughts fill me with rage.
All things I am feeling inside, but can’t seem to put on the page.
is that a lil bit better
The empty space, waiting to be filled
By the emotions and thoughts, deep down inside that I feel.
Sitting in an empty room, conjuring up my thoughts fill me with rage.
All things I am feeling inside, but can’t seem to put on the page.
I know what I want to say, I just can’t express it.
How can I put what I feel, in a sophisticated way were people still get the message?
I’ve a lot on my mind, but do I dare?
Express what I feel, and will the audience care?
These words, they haunt me, like a ghost in an old abandoned house.
In my head, I know what I wish to say, but just can’t get it out.
Ahhh! Dam the person, who put this task before me!
If there’s anything I hate, its writing poetry!
To me, creating a poem is as easy as conquering Everest itself.
Pre-drafts, and reading for inspiration, are of no help.
This proves to be a task most difficult no matter what I try.
Creating poetry is pure Hell, and I would much rather die.
Um, what level are you writing for? Middle, high, or college?
Ilikethepixies
Um, what level are you writing for? Middle, high, or college?
college. creative writing
I'd focus more on describing what the paper or computer screen looks like...
"The pale, blank pulsating screen, humming quietly. Almost a vacuum of ideas."
Maybe stuff like that.
Oh, and "haunt me like a ghost in an old abandoned house".... lame.
Haha, I'm being honest.
Maybe "haunt me like past failures and stale lunchroom tater tots"
just something that people can relate to and isn't the first thing that you'd think of when you think "OK, what could haunt me? Oh I know, ghosts!"
Everyone's thought of ghosts... you gotta find a more personal way to pound home how much you hate poetry.
I like your second stanza.
I think if you just opened up and wrote what you really felt and no what you think you should write, you'd: A- enjoy it more, and B- produce a better product.
"The pale, blank pulsating screen, humming quietly. Almost a vacuum of ideas."
Maybe stuff like that.
Oh, and "haunt me like a ghost in an old abandoned house".... lame.
Haha, I'm being honest.
Maybe "haunt me like past failures and stale lunchroom tater tots"
just something that people can relate to and isn't the first thing that you'd think of when you think "OK, what could haunt me? Oh I know, ghosts!"
Everyone's thought of ghosts... you gotta find a more personal way to pound home how much you hate poetry.
I like your second stanza.
I think if you just opened up and wrote what you really felt and no what you think you should write, you'd: A- enjoy it more, and B- produce a better product.
interesting.
I stare at the blank page, and it stares back at me.
A headache forms in my skull from creating this awful poetry.
I’ve turn to all the people I could, to help me conquer this beast.
But poetry will always hand my ass defeat.
Dam this art form, dam all poetry to hell!
Bitter thoughts form in my head from thinking about this task I won’t excel.
I’ve tried, and given this blank page a hell of a fight.
But in the end there seems to be nothing I am able to write.
thing is i really do get fustrated with poetry, im not one of these in depth people that twist words in fancy ways, i get it write out there, plain and simple so everyone can understand it.
I stare at the blank page, and it stares back at me.
A headache forms in my skull from creating this awful poetry.
I’ve turn to all the people I could, to help me conquer this beast.
But poetry will always hand my ass defeat.
Dam this art form, dam all poetry to hell!
Bitter thoughts form in my head from thinking about this task I won’t excel.
I’ve tried, and given this blank page a hell of a fight.
But in the end there seems to be nothing I am able to write.
Ilikethepixies
I like your second stanza.
I think if you just opened up and wrote what you really felt and no what you think you should write, you'd: A- enjoy it more, and B- produce a better product.
thing is i really do get fustrated with poetry, im not one of these in depth people that twist words in fancy ways, i get it write out there, plain and simple so everyone can understand it.
I'd say the poem is a 100% better now than it was in its first incarnation.
I "feel" it a lot more now. I don't think that poetry has to be about twisting words around or anything. I think it can be blunt, to the point... even plain ugly... as long as its done in an original, honest way.
I really do think the poem is much better.
I "feel" it a lot more now. I don't think that poetry has to be about twisting words around or anything. I think it can be blunt, to the point... even plain ugly... as long as its done in an original, honest way.
I really do think the poem is much better.
you two really need to learn how to use the edit button..
