Kelly:
"Dad, take a look at me.
What do you think?
(She's wearing a red dress, tight black high heels and a LOT of makeup)"
Al:
"What do you mean "What do I think?""
Kelly:
"You know.
Tell me what you think of my outfit. Don't worry. You can say ANYTHING. I can take it."
Al:
"Ok. Well, I think you look like....MARY POPPINS!"
Audience:
"(Laughter. Especially with Kelly's expression)"
Kelly:
"MARY POPPINS?! MARY POPPINS?! I come out here dressed like a Hollywood Superstar, and you think I look like MARY POPPINS?!"
Peg:
"Kelly, what's the matter, honey?"
Kelly:
"Dad says I look like MARY POPPINS!"
Peg:
"No, you don't."
Kelly:
"Ok. Then, What do YOU think?"
Peg:
"The dress looks great on you.
But, I DO think you went a little "overboard" with the makeup, though."
(NO DIALOGUE. JUST ACTION):
"(Kelly sighs, screams and runs out the door)
(She is still screaming)"
Al:
"Nice going, Peg."
Peg:
"ME? YOU were the one who called her "MARY POPPINS!""
(NO DIALOGUE, JUST ACTION):
"(They sit quietly, hoping Kelly will come back)"
Al Bundy:
"I'm going to sit down and watch the news, and when it's all over I want some form of dead animal on my plate."
Al Bundy:
"A man's castle is his pants.
-Al Bundy"
The Bundys:
"WOOOOOOO BUNDY!
-The Bundys"
Gary Coleman:
"What chu talking about, Bundy?
-Gary Coleman"
Al and Peg:
"Al: How was your day today, Peg? Anything interesting happen on the couch?
Peg: Well, actually...
Al: I don't care.
-Al and Peg"
Al (to Peg):
"I married you til death do us part. Which means when I'm dead I'm free to date.
-Al (to Peg)"
Al, Marcy, Ariel:
"Marcy: We should just try doing something to keep our minds off the storm. How about mad lips? Someone give me a verb.
Al: Cluck.
Marcy: Now someone give me a command.
Ariel: Cluck you?
Al: *Smiles at Ariel* I like you.
Marcy: Let's just pl
-Al, Marcy, Ariel"
Al:
"Uh Steve. Bundys we don't fly coach. Yeah! Bundys fly first class or Bundys don't fly.
-Al"
Peg:
"(Yelling to Steve)Hi Mom! What do you want?"
Steve:
"(Yelling to Peg)Your recipe for raisinn bread!"
Peg:
"(Yelling to Steve)Tell her to get a loaf of bread, a box of raisins, and a hammer!"
Bud:
"Thanks Dad. But there's something you need to know. You see, if you pour a gallon of knowledge into a shot glass of a brain, you're gonna spill something. In other wise, certain knowledge had to be sacrificed in Kelly's head."
Al:
"Like what?
*Door bell*"
Kelly:
"What was that?"
Bud:
"...That's the door bell."
Kelly:
"Oh...who's the old guy?"
Bud:
"...That's Dad."
Marcy:
"*Singing*
Who's the guy whose show is done? Who's tv hero's on the run? Who'll be watching VH1? Loser Al, loser Al, loser Al!!"
Peg:
"Okay Al, guess what's under the sheet?"
Al:
"Peg, if I didn't like that game in bed, why would I like it now?"
Al Bundy:
"I wonder what the poor people are doing..."
Peggy:
"I hate barbecues. I hate Labor Day. I hate watching buzzards circle while I'm having sex."
Al:
"I hate Christmas. Mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, "I want this! Get me this! I have to have this!" then there's the children. And they're all by my store, cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho!" all day long, so nice as can be, I go outside and ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So, I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. T"
Al:
"Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for."
Al:
"Sex again. Peg, we've been married for 17 years now, can't we just be friends?"
Peggy:
"No. I don't like you, I just wanna have sex with you."
Kelly:
"I don't wanna sit around the house all day and sleep. It's like being at school."
Al:
"No, the difference between here and school is, you'll be outta here when you're eighteen."
Marcy:
"I don't know why we even need bras."
Al:
"Well, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat."