Matilda Quotes
31393
Narrator:
However, Mr. Wormwood failed to realize the mistake he just made. He told Matilda "When PEOPLE are bad, they need to be punished" instead of "When CHILDREN are bad."
30927
Mr. Wormwood:
What is this trash you're reading?!
Matilda:
It's not trash, it's beautiful. It's Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
Mr. Wormwood:
Moby WHAT?!
30698
Kids:
Yes, Miss Trunchbull.
Boy:
Sir.
12558
"Let's play a game, shall we? Who was wearing a pretty red...hair ribbon yesterday and isn't wearing one today? Hmmm? Can you answer me that?Who does this disgusting ribbon belong to? I shall personally see to it that the demented, drooling, slime-breathed little Lilliputian who owns this DIS-GUSTING ribbon will never see the light of day again."

- Trunchbull
12557
Kids: "Yes, Miss Trunchbull."
Boy: "Sir."
12556
"Agatha, this is Magnus. Give my little bumblebee her house and her money. Then get out of town. If you don't, I will get you. I will get you like you got me. That is a promise."

- Kids reading what Matilda telekinetically writes on the chalkboard
12555
Amanda: Miss. Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. We can spell difficulty.
Ms. Trunchbull: You couldn't spell difficulty if your life depended on it.
Amanda: She taught us with a poem.
Ms. Trunchbull: (sarcastiacally) A poem, how sweet. What poem would that be?
Amanda: Mrs. D, Mrs. I...
Whole Class: ...Mrs. F, F, I. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L, T, Y.
*SLAM!*
Ms: Trunchbull: Why are all these women married?! Mrs. D, Mrs. I are supposed to be teaching spelling, not poetry!
12554
Agatha Trunchbull: Some Rats Are Gonna Die Today.
12553
Matilda: There's Another Crime In The Making: Your Car Is About To Run A Stop Sign.
12552
Narrator: "The Wormwoods lived in a very nice house in a very nice town... But they were not very nice people."
12551
Agatha Trunchbull: [On the phone] Wormwood! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! I want you around here now with another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar! I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill!
12550
Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person!
12549
Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!
Matilda: My father?
Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!
Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!
12548
Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?
Amanda Thripp: What's what Ms. Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears,
Amanda Thripp: You mean my pig tails
Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig Amanda?
Amanda Thripp: No, Ms. Trunchbull.
Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow Pigs in my school?
Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.
Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your Mommy, is a TWIT!
12547
Harry Wormwood: Chew your food; you're an animal!
12546
Matilda: Dad?
Harry Wormwood: What?
Matilda: Yell at me, ok?
Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!
12545
Matilda: I want to go to school.
Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
[Matilda leaves]
Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about i
12544
Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.
Matilda: Six-and-a-half.
Harry Wormwood: You're four!
Matilda: Six-and-a-half!
Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.
Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.
[He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]
Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
Zinnia Wormwood: Four.
Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!
Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then!
12543
Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.
12542
Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.
Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!
Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.
Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?
Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.