Matilda Quotes
However, Mr. Wormwood failed to realize the mistake he just made. He told Matilda "When PEOPLE are bad, they need to be punished" instead of "When CHILDREN are bad."
Mr. Wormwood:
What is this trash you're reading?!
It's not trash, it's beautiful. It's Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
Mr. Wormwood:
Moby WHAT?!
Yes, Miss Trunchbull.
"Let's play a game, shall we? Who was wearing a pretty ribbon yesterday and isn't wearing one today? Hmmm? Can you answer me that?Who does this disgusting ribbon belong to? I shall personally see to it that the demented, drooling, slime-breathed little Lilliputian who owns this DIS-GUSTING ribbon will never see the light of day again."

- Trunchbull
Kids: "Yes, Miss Trunchbull."
Boy: "Sir."
"Agatha, this is Magnus. Give my little bumblebee her house and her money. Then get out of town. If you don't, I will get you. I will get you like you got me. That is a promise."

- Kids reading what Matilda telekinetically writes on the chalkboard
Amanda: Miss. Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. We can spell difficulty.
Ms. Trunchbull: You couldn't spell difficulty if your life depended on it.
Amanda: She taught us with a poem.
Ms. Trunchbull: (sarcastiacally) A poem, how sweet. What poem would that be?
Amanda: Mrs. D, Mrs. I...
Whole Class: ...Mrs. F, F, I. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L, T, Y.
Ms: Trunchbull: Why are all these women married?! Mrs. D, Mrs. I are supposed to be teaching spelling, not poetry!
Agatha Trunchbull: Some Rats Are Gonna Die Today.
Matilda: There's Another Crime In The Making: Your Car Is About To Run A Stop Sign.
Narrator: "The Wormwoods lived in a very nice house in a very nice town... But they were not very nice people."
Agatha Trunchbull: [On the phone] Wormwood! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! I want you around here now with another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar! I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill!
Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person!
Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!
Matilda: My father?
Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!
Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!
Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?
Amanda Thripp: What's what Ms. Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears,
Amanda Thripp: You mean my pig tails
Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig Amanda?
Amanda Thripp: No, Ms. Trunchbull.
Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow Pigs in my school?
Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.
Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your Mommy, is a TWIT!
Harry Wormwood: Chew your food; you're an animal!
Matilda: Dad?
Harry Wormwood: What?
Matilda: Yell at me, ok?
Matilda: I want to go to school.
Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
[Matilda leaves]
Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about i
Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.
Matilda: Six-and-a-half.
Harry Wormwood: You're four!
Matilda: Six-and-a-half!
Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.
Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.
[He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]
Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
Zinnia Wormwood: Four.
Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!
Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then!
Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.
Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.
Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!
Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.
Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?
Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.