Dieter Von Cunth:"[tauntingly] Oh, I want my mommy! What, is MacGruber gonna' rip my throat out?"
MacGruber:"No, l want your throat to stay right where it is so l can hear you scream bloody murder when l cut off your dick and shove it in your mouth - TONIGHT!"
Dieter Von Cunth:"Oh, that sounds like a real fun Tuesday, but l've already got other plans. See, in about four minutes, l'm gonna' to turn Washington D.C. into a pile of ash. And then l've got a big pile of money to count."
MacGruber:"How do you make money killing millions of innocent people?"
Dieter Von Cunth:"Really? l thought that was clear. Uh... Someone pays me to do it. You see, l can't say who 'cause that would be gossiping... lt's the Chinese."