Release: May 21, 2010

Former special operative MacGruber is called back into action to take down his arch-enemy, Dieter Von Cunth, who's in possession of a nuclear warhead and bent on destroying Washington, D.C.

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MacGruber: "I can't wait to kill you."
Dieter Von Cunth: "[tauntingly] Oh, I want my mommy! What, is MacGruber gonna' rip my throat out?"
MacGruber: "No, l want your throat to stay right where it is so l can hear you scream bloody murder when l cut off your dick and shove it in your mouth - TONIGHT!"
Dieter Von Cunth: "Oh, that sounds like a real fun Tuesday, but l've already got other plans. See, in about four minutes, l'm gonna' to turn Washington D.C. into a pile of ash. And then l've got a big pile of money to count."
MacGruber: "How do you make money killing millions of innocent people?"
Dieter Von Cunth: "Really? l thought that was clear. Uh... Someone pays me to do it. You see, l can't say who 'cause that would be gossiping... lt's the Chinese."
MacGruber: "You make me sick!"
Added By: Clint_Olson
Lt. Dixon Piper: "There are too many guys. l need you to take two of these guns."
MacGruber: "l told you, l do not use guns."
Lt. Dixon Piper: "Well, you better start, because sticking a piece of fucking celery up your ass ain't gonna hack it this time."
MacGruber: "l'm not going to use a gun!"
Lt. Dixon Piper: "Why?"
MacGruber: "Because I don't know how. Okay?"
Lt. Dixon Piper: "I don't fucking believe it."
MacGruber: "They scare me."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Okay, now, piece of advice. When you use the old celery trick, you're gonna wanna go with the thick end. Seems counter-intuitive, but if you go thin end first, it just slides right out and you're... You're wasting your time."
Lt. Dixon Piper: "l'm never, ever gonna do that."
MacGruber: "Never ever say "Never ever." Okay, follow me."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "All right, we got a nuclear warhead to... Holy shit! [sees a mass of confusing wires inside the missile nose-cone]"
Vicki St. Elmo: "What's wrong, MacGruber?"
MacGruber: "What the fuck is this!"
Lt. Dixon Piper: "lt's a warhead, MacGruber. You can defuse it, right?"
MacGruber: "Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap. There's, like, a million wires in here. l'm more like a three-wire guy."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "My name is MacGruber, Remember... that... NAME! [He throws the microphone into the glass window, smashing it and scaring the audience]"
Added By: Clint_Olson
Dieter Von Cunth: "Weak!"
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "That was great! That was fuckin' tits!"
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "How's your nose, rookie?"
Lt. Dixon Piper: "It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina."
MacGruber: "So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick... so you could fuck butts."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "You're loco, man! Subtitles: "You're crazy, man!""
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Your god can't save you, but I can."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Classic MacGruber!"
Added By: Clint_Olson
Vicki St. Elmo: "Where were you?"
MacGruber: "Sorry, I just took an upper decker in the bathroom."
Vicki St. Elmo: "A what?"
MacGruber: "An upper decker, it's when you take a dump in the water tank instead of bowl, never mind."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. First I'm gonna kick you in the chin, breaking your jaw in four places. I'm gonna take you and karate flip you over my back, and then knee your nose into your brain, killing you instantly. I do wanna get a throat rip in here. I think that's gonna be you, small fry. One thing I do know, at the end of the day, Cunth, I'm gonna rip your dick off and shove it in your mouth. And that is non-negotiable. Who's first?"
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Okay, so once we take out the guards, Vicki will walk in dressed as Hoss, and then we'll just, you know, see what happens. You ready?"
Lt. Dixon Piper: "Wait. Wait, so we're just gonna wing it?"
MacGruber: "Piper, there's a big difference between winging it and seeing what happens. Now let's see what happens."
Added By: Clint_Olson
Lt. Dixon Piper: "The Legendary MacGruber. Former Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Green Beret. Served six tours in Desert Storm, four in Bosnia, three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone. Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts, three Congressional Medals of Honor, seven Presidential Medals of Bravery and starting tight end for the University of Texas, El Paso."
MacGruber: "That was a long time ago."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "I've got a better idea: no fucking way."
Added By: Clint_Olson
Vicki St. Elmo: "I thought you were dead."
MacGruber: "So did I, but I'm not."
Added By: Clint_Olson
MacGruber: "Macgrubie don't play like homie, and homie don't play like that."
Added By: Clint_Olson
Lt. Dixon Piper: "What is the plan?"
MacGruber: "Well, I kind of make it up as I go."
Lt. Dixon Piper: "That's not really a plan then."
MacGruber: "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans. And I'm not good with clues. What I am good with is kicking ass and ripping throats."
Added By: Clint_Olson
Dieter Von Cunth: "You punch like a little girl."
MacGruber: "Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and..."
Dieter Von Cunth: "Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record!"
MacGruber: "The only record I'm gonna break is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record."
Added By: Clint_Olson
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