A Spoiled Kid's Wishlist

Toys never crossed off my wishlist.
April 18, 2011
I was a spoiled kid growing up and I knew it. My toy chest overflowed with every action figure imaginable and I had nearly every video game my heart desired. I was the first kid I knew of who's family had a satellite dish with a sweet descrambler (Skinamax had nothing on me!). I had my very own four wheeler and my dad even built me a kickass fort complete with a sweet zipline access. Hell I even had a pony... actually it was my sister's pony, but it is a prototypical must have for many kids. Now I wasn't a kid with super rich parents with a life full of private schools, summer homes, and million dollar trust funds but when it came to toys I was rarely left wanting. However there are several childhood toy gems that eluded my grasp. So may I present to you the list Santa lost...

I can't remember which one of my friends owned a Boglin, all I know is I wanted one. A Boglin is what results from when My Pet Monster makes sweet sweet love to a Madball. Sadly My Pet Monsters and Madballs will not reproduce in captivity, therefor I was never blessed with a Boglin to call my own.

Rambo Rocket Launcher Water Gun
This is "The Toy" that was the Holy Grail of toys on my most wanted list. I had nearly every toy gun/water gun known to man...except this one. I remember seeing it sitting high upon the top shelf at Value City with a price tag of $40. It might as well have been $4,000 at the time. Forty dollars just seemed so steep, not a very good value courtesy of Value City. Looking back on this toy I had always remembered it looking more like the RPG-7 it was originally modeled after. Despite the difference I still would have loved to have gotten my grubby little hands on this prize.

This is how I imagined it.

JAWS Great White Bathtub Toy
I know this is a cheap toy that many of you probably owned. But I didn't! How dare you taunt me! Just kidding................but seriously.
I always though animals were so cool when I was young and the more powerful the animal the cooler it was. No animal struck fear into my young mind like the Great White Shark. JAWS and it's many sequels made damn sure of that. I marveled in the Great Whites' sheer size and razor sharp teeth. As a kid I had tons of boats motorized and non, squirt guns and even (Don't laugh) Rub-A-Dub Doggie but for some odd reason this toy never made it into my tub.

Pistol with BANG Flag
This may seem like a dumb toy to want but I always thought they were cool. We would see them on Saturday mornings in our favorite cartoons and even our old friend The Joker was packing one back in 1989.

Chia Pet - Cha-Cha-Cha Chia!

No not that Chia Pet!...................This Chia Pet.
Probably the lamest toy on the list. (Can this even be characterized as a toy?) I think I wanted a Chia Pet for two simple reasons: 1. I love the color green 2. It's a plant. I've always been an outdoorsy type of guy not to mention trees/plants provided excellent camouflage for me and my little green army men....their bases were often designed around my mom's house plants.

Neo Geo
One game single was responsible for my yearning to own a Neo Geo....Baseball Stars 2. I remember the first time I saw it was at Playground Pizza's arcade, our local Showbiz Pizza knockoff. The graphics were leaps and bounds better than anything I had ever seen. Now looking back I'm glad I never bought it. The system and games were way too expensive and not to mention nearly impossible to find. As a kid I could justify paying $200 for a Super Nes, but I just couldn't stomach paying $600+ for the Neo Geo and neither could my folks.

Inflatable Godzilla
Anything inflatable seemed like a cool toy as a kid...mix in a giant fire breathing Sharptooth/Spike mutant monster and you've created a winner. As a kid standing 3 feet tall a 6 foot inflatable Godzilla was quite imposing. For some reason I'm thinking I saw it on the set of some 80's tv show, anybody else remember this or am I crazy?
Notice Godzilla choking the hell out of the kid in the pic above. It's probably because he hasn't learned how to tie his shoes yet and Godzilla is simply putting him in his place.

"The Animal"
Now I had hundreds of toy cars and trucks as a kid but this one eluded me. This was back when Bigfoot was king and for me the only thing that could trump it was "The Animal". I remember the commercial well, it was a badass 4x4 driving uphill through the middle of a running creek over top of rocks and broken down toy trucks. What the hell take a look for yourself....

I told you it was badass!

And last but not least....

The Hoverboard

Now I know I'm not the only kid left wanting for his or her very own Pitbull. The only reason I know this is because they never really existed, no one got their hands on one of these babies. I remember asking my Godparents for a Pitbull for Christmas. Unlike my parents I knew they were loaded and if there was one on the planet they could find it. I kept my hopes up for quite some time until the truth finally came out that the elusive Hoverboard was only a myth. Damn you director Robert Zemeckis for toying with childrens' hopes and dreams, damn you! So to this day I am still left asking...
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