Why Kids Today are Pansies

How Nintendo Made Me Into a Man
March 01, 2007
The reason that kids today are pansies is because modern video games are too easy. Nintendo games kicked my @$$ and made me into a man. When I have a kid they won't be able to get
Playstation 17 until they beat a prescribed number of games from each preceding system.
Here are a few examples of Nintendo games thay my son will be forced to beat instead of doing homework, and why:


What it taught me: When I got picked on I knew to punch the fat bully in his big mouth mid-sentence and then when his pants fall down I punch him where the sun don't shine. Repeatedly.

Castlevania II

What it taught me: Being afraid of the dark is for pansies. Stop hidng under the covers, collect Dracula's body parts to reassemble him and bring him back to life and then kill him again. Hardcore.

Double Dragon

What it taught me: When someone punches your girlfriend it is your duty to kill everyone in a 10 mile vicinity to defend her honor.

Blades of Steel

What it taught me: Hockey is awesome. Fighting during hockey is awesomer.

WWF WrestleMania

What it taught me: When your friend is in a fight you should go piledrive the other guy's friends in case they get tagged in.
Bad Dudes

What it taught me: Never let ninjas kidnap the President. Never.

Metal Gear

What it taught me: Real men smoke cigarettes. And use them to detect laser wire.

Tecmo Bowl

What it taught me: In the rare situation when you have to run away from pursuers, the proper way to do it is by zig zagging at 45 degree angles.

Skate or Die!

What it taught me: Skate ... or Die


What it taught me: When you really need the Russians to come through they won't. Russians are not to be trusted.

This is only a partial list of course. But the basic idea is the real men only need 2 buttons.

Stay tuned for the top WTF moments in Nintendo history.
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