The Last Boy Scout Quotes
      Alley Thug: "Hey, would you stop with the wife shit?"

      Joe: "Ask me how fat she is."

      Alley Thug: "Fuck you, man. How fat is she?"
        Jimmy: "Danger's my middle name".

        Joe: "Mine's Cornelius. You tell anybody and I'll kill you."
          Joe: "You wanna fuck her? You gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in."
            Alley Thug: "Hey, would you stop with the wife shit?"

            Joe: "Ask me how fat she is."

            Alley Thug: "Fuck you, man. How fast is she?"
              Alley Thug: (After being punched to the ground by Joe) "You bastard!"

              Joe: "And then some!"
                Joe: "Now, I'm not saying she's fat, her high school picture was an aerial photograph."
                  Alley Thug: "How fat is she?"

                  Joe: "She's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot".
                    Alley Thug: "Alright, you want it in the chest or the head?"

                    Joe: "That's what your wife said".
                      Joe Hallenbeck: Now what are you doing?
                      Jimmy Dix: Drawing them a picture.
                      Joe Hallenbeck: Of what???
                      Jimmy Dix: It's a bomb.
                      Joe Hallenbeck: That does not look like a bomb. It looks like an apple with lines coming out of it. They're just going to say "Don't open the briefcase. It's full of fresh fruit."
                      Jimmy Dix: You want to draw the dang thing?

                      (after informing them with the word BOM)
                      Jimmy Dix: Happy?
                      Joe Hallenbeck: Are you kidding me?
                        Jimmy (to Darian): You want to be left alone, don't you?
                          Furry Tom: Why did Mr. Milo cross the road?
                          Joe Hallenbeck: I don't know Furball. Why?
                          Furry Tom: Because his dick was stuck in a chicken.
                            Darian: Dad, can I show Jimmy off to my friends?
                            Joe Hallenbeck: He's not a pet honey.
                              Joe: "I swear to God if I live through this I'll do a f*cking jig."
                                Hallenbeck: "Why did the cat cross the road? Cuz his dick was stuck in a chicken!"
                                  Joe Hallenbeck: Hey, you got a car?
                                  Man: Yeah.
                                  Joe Hallenbeck: Give me the keys.
                                  Man: No way.
                                  Joe Hallenbeck: Give me the keys or I'll shoot the kid.
                                  Darian: Daddy.
                                  Joe Hallenbeck: Shhhh.
                                  Man: Well, okay.
                                    Jimmy Dix: People must figure you are the dumbest guy in the world.
                                    Joe Hallenbeck: Why is that?
                                    Jimmy Dix: Because you are trying to save the life of the guy who ruined your career and avenge the death of the guy who f***** your wife.
                                      Joe Hallenbeck: Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile you f***.
                                        Milo: You think you are so freakin cool? You think you are so cool? Just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain.
                                        Joe Hallenbeck: Play some rap music.
                                          Milo: You must be James.
                                          Jimmy Dix: James?
                                          Joe Hallenbeck: He does that with everybody. He calls me Joseph.