Okay so we're all pretty excited about the fall concert season which comes as no surprise considering that the old dinosaur pop band New Kids on the Block have gotten back together so this is my "A First Timer's Survival Guide: How To Have Fun At A Concert."

5 simple rules to follow if you're going to have a good time at a pop concert or any musical event for that matter.



5. If you're going to down a few drinks before the show then please drink moderately or better still don't have anything to drink at all. Don't start drinking to the point of being obnoxious. The first time that I went to the Shelter Valley Folk Festival one of the festival organizers was there and she was just ripped out of her head. I can't even begin to tell you just how uncomfortable I was being around this woman. If you find that you must drink before or during the show keep it to a minimum of 3 drinks or fewer. Don't get too close to me after the first few drinks or you'll lose some of your teeth. In fact keep your hands off of me all together. If you can't stand up it's your own fault.


"Hey if you're gonna sigh in my bar it's a 3 drink minimum."




"No I don't like flowery or fruity scents thanks.





4. I realize that we're all going to be dolled up in the case of New Kids On The Block so PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT LIKE FLOWERY OR FRUITY SMELLS OR ARE ALLERGIC TO CERTAIN SCENTS!! Don't marinate yourself in scents that the artist will never get close enough to smell. If I even smell perfume, even a tiny bit, I get migranes that will knock me out for a week.






3. For those of us who are short remember that the artists won't see what's on your feet from 20 rows back so make sure that you wear shoes that don't obstruct the view of the people who are sitting behind you. You may have cute, well pedicured, toes but that's no excuse to wear shoes that the artist is never going to see from 20 rows back and will obstruct the view of the people who, for whatever reason, can't wear spiked heeled shoes. Kittened heeled shoes are plenty tall enough to give you the height you need to see without obstructing the view of the people who are behind you... Keep any and all signs down for the duration of the show for the same reason.





Madonna will never see this sign from 20 rows back




"I'm ready for my close up Mr Deville."


2. PLEASE KEEP YOUR UNDERCLOTHES WHERE THEY BELONG LADIES.... UNDER YOUR CLOTHES !! They call them "underclothes" for a reason. Jordan and Joe are married now and their wives may not fully appreciate some random fan throwing her bras and panties at their men. Same goes for teddy bears, empty cans and bottles, and other objects that may pose a tripping hazzard to the guys must also be kept to ourselves.




1. Remember that cleanliness is next to godliness or so I'm told so bathe before the show and make sure that you use deodorant. Underarm odor, or anyother kinds of odors, can be upsetting to some people so make sure that you don't stink up the joint especially in cramped quarters such as a hockey arena.

So that's it for my list. I certainly hope that you had as much fun reading my list as I had writing it.

If you have any other rules that I may have missed please feel free to record them in your responses.