Since last year, I joined RJ, and right off the bat I went with my first article, my favorite games of the 90's. These games really stood out to me as some of the greatest games ever, even if I couldn't include others (Xenogears, Final Fantasy 7, Sonic CD, etc.) but even so, I didn't want my article to be miles long. Now it's time I took a trip back to some of the worst games i played of that decade...

This time I'm going into review territory so you'll know exactly how these games are.

10. Socket: Time Dominator



This one is taken as number 10 because I just wanna set this straight after bringing it up a few times, this game seems to be one of the closest things to a Sonic clone also.

Story 1/5:

Actually, there is no real story. But from what I know, you have to beat levels before your energy drains, and, you have to become (DUN DUN DUN DUN) a time dominator.

Graphics 4/5:

Well, I've gotta say, the character models are pretty decent, and the environments are as colorful as can be. One of the zones reminded me of Green Hill zone from Sonic 2 because the grass and some of the designs looked similar.

Control 4/5:

The control feels basically the same as from Sonic. There is no delay and your character runs quickly depending on if you hold left or right when moving, just like Sonic. The jumping is alright too.

Gameplay 2/5:

In Sonic games, you collected rings. In Socket, you collect little zaps to revive your energy, but it drains if you don't collect any either. The bonus games require you to stay on little dots that go up, but it's hard to stay on.

Sound 3/5:

The music isn't too bad! However that beeping sound when you're about to die can get annoying...

Overall 2/5:

Whether it's Bubsy or Aero the Acrobat, this game is in the same league as those two platform mishaps.

9. Michael Jordan in Chaos in the Windy City:



A friend of mine rented this game one time as I spent the night over. I wanted to give this game a go after seeing a few screenshots in a cheating game book.

Story 1/5:

Michael and his basketball homies get kidnapped somehow after a basketball charity game, and Mikey goes into another world to get them back. Yeah, that's about it.

Graphics 1/5:

In a way, the sprites, character models, and backgrounds keep reminding me of Home Improvement on Super Nintendo. I just didn't like the look of it all. Some of the environments look kind of muddy and ugly too.

Control 2/5:

There's just a slight delay in movement, but it's horrible. Mike runs as if he's on roller skates, and he skids when you let go. The jumping is a bit off also.

Gameplay 1/5:

Every level feels like a maze, and you have to find different colored keys for specific doors. Mike uses basketballs for weapons, and he can also shoot hoops into baskets randomly found in levels to earn basketball power ups.

Sound 2/5:

The music is pretty lackluster, and the sounds are nothing special, from muffled voices to unnecessarily annoying sound effects.

Overall 1/5:

Think Pitfall: the Mayan Adventure, except the fun and good controls. Unlike Socket, I never did manage to beat this because of how frustrating and atrocious it is.

8. Virtual Bart



As a reply to AVGN's review to Bart and the Space Mutants, Virtual Bart was the only bad Simpsons game I ever got my hands on. Here's what I think.

Story 3/5:

At a science fair, Bart goes into a secret room of the school and finds a virtual reality machine that takes him to different worlds. He gets strapped into the machine and the levels are chosen in a roulette kind of way.

Graphics 2/5:

The character sprites are ok, but the backgrounds and textures look pretty tacky. The character sprites are made almost exactly how they look in the old episodes. Effects like the explosion when you hit things in the "Baby Bart" levels aren't so great though.

Control 3/5:

Fairly decent, the button response is ok. I had trouble with a few of the games on it, but it was alright nonetheless.

Gameplay 2/5:

It's kind of like a collection of small games put in. One game has you playing as a pig, making it out of a factory, another has you riding a motorcycle in an apocalyptic world. But the only game that I found fun to play was the tomato throwing game.

Sound 2/5:

The only thing that saves this are the voice bits used for the games, like Homer's "D'OH!" and some of Bart's voice clips.

Overall 3/5:

Acclaim has made some mistakes a few times with some of their games, but this is in the line of the same crappy Simpsons games we used to play, with the arcade game as an exception.

7. Earthworm Jim 3D



After Shiny Entertainment had released Wild 9, David Perry had made an announcement that he would no longer have his company make cartoon-style themed games. I of course didn't realize this until a a year or two. Shiny had sold the Earthworm Jim franchise to Interplay, and thus, Earthworm Jim 3D was released in October of '99.

Story 1/5:

Well, you can pretty much tell that if Shiny isn't involved, the plot is gonna suck. While playing an accordion, Jim gets his head smashed by a falling cow, and goes through a serious coma. Now in order to get back to his normal self, his "ego" has to help him get his marbles back.

Graphics 4/5:

Pretty much what the N64 can offer. Jim's 3D model is taken after the original Jim action figure if you can tell. Everything else in the game looks fine. Hit detection can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Control 2/5:

Your basic movement is running, as you'll need to do ALOT of it throughout the game to dodge things. Jumping seems a bit off, but the helicopter head is brought back. The camera can be a pain as the rotation for it doesn't help all that much.

Gameplay 2/5:

Throughout the game, your main goal is to, dare I say it, collect marbles and earn golden udders from doing certain missions. Level design is okay throughout some parts of the game while others are just bland. The boss levels consist of collecting marbles, while riding a pig while avoiding getting hit from the boss. It's very frustrating too, because every hit you take decreases your health, whereas if you hit your enemy, he doesn't take any damage.

Sound 4/5:

Good for the most part. The music goes from country to a goofy cartoon style. The only thing I generally liked was the fact that the voice cast from the original Earthworm Jim cartoon make a return for some of the characters.

Overall 1/5:

This game was not only made by Interplay, but by Rockstar too. That's right. ROCKSTAR. Even they couldn't help put some decency in this game. As an old school Jim fan, this is NOT a game you want to play nor revisit.

6. Mohawk and Headphone Jack



I rented this a long time ago at my local Blockbuster around the late 90's before I got my Playstation. This was also a very old request to review by my old friend TurboDuo.

Story 1/5:

What story? The game itself doesn't even tell you what goes on!

Graphics 2/5:

Decent, but not the best I've seen. The game mostly uses the Super Nintendo's Mode 7 effects.

Controls 2/5:

Very slick. Maybe a bit TOO slick. Your character runs pretty fast, but you won't always be staying on flat environments in this game. You pretty much have low gravity in this game too.

Gameplay 2/5:

Try to imagine Super Mario Galaxy without the fun or the easy exploration. That sums up this game a bit. Your main goal is to collect these little discs throughout the environment while hopping around different terrains. The levels are such a migraine to go through that you'll get lost in a matter of seconds.

Sound 2/5:

Generic pop music fills in for the rest of the game, and not much more. The sound effects are okay I guess.

Overall 3/5:

The concept sounded good for it's time, especially with the Mode 7 effects. However it just wasn't executed right in this game.

5. BUG!



This game was both a hit AND a miss in my Sega Saturn library. I got into it for a while, but after beating it I grew out of it pretty quick.

Story 4/5:

It's a kids' game so I guess it's decent. You play as as, well, a bug, who happens to be a movie actor. After his family has been kidnapped by a Queen bug (I guess) it's up to Bug to stop her and get her family back.

Graphics 3/5:

2D character sprites with 3D environments. Another game to show off the Saturn's graphics engine, and it's not too bad.

Control 2/5:

Just like some average cartoon sidescrollers, your character walks at a slow rate. You can jump too, of course,

Gameplay 3/5:

What you'll be doing mostly is collecting little blue gems throughout the levels. Every level is consisted of both platforming AND a maze. You can collect "bug juice" which restores your health, and collect spit pickups which of course, gives you the ability to spit. You'll be doing a lot of jumping around, but some platforming parts can get frustrating. The game sadly lacks a save feature.

Sound 3/5:

The music isn't too bad. Sometimes it can give you the feeling of the environment. The sound effects are your run-of-the-mill cartoon sounds, while sometimes Bug will even say a few things.

Overall 2/5:

Even with it's decent music and gameplay mechanics, Bug! still has a low replay value for me. And because of it's LONG game time, the missing save feature brings down the score down one more.

4. Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama



*Laughs*

It's difficult to describe how inhumanely bad this game is as a whole, but it just so happened that a friend of mine bought it at a thrift store for cheap after he got his Sega Genesis.

Story 2/5:

Normy is a beach bum looking for some action with some of the ladies on the beach. However it's ruined when he somehow ends up going through a timewarp all the way back to 65,000,047 B.C.. Thus begins Normy's horrible timetwisting adventure to get back to the beach....

Graphics 1/5:

Pretty laughable. At times the environments will look like something straight out of a children's coloring book. Pretty much EVERYTHING could have used some work here.

Control 1/5:

The movement mechanics may remind you of Bubsy. It's that bad. Sometimes you'll need to judge a big gap of a jump and it can get frustrating because it's hard to steer yourself.

Gameplay 2/5:

Just make it through the level without getting mauled by enemies. You get only two weapons throughout the whole game, one which is a mallet which sends out a boxing glove, and a projectile weapon. The mallet is basically a waste of a weapon because enemies will trample over you even when using it, but the projectile weapon causes much less damage...

Sound 1/5:

The music is in the same league as hearing nails scratch a chalkboard. I turned the volume down all the time when playing, even though it kind of pissed off my friend. The sound effects are pretty irritating too.

Overall 1/5:

If you thought Bubsy couldn't be any worse, look no further at Normy. I assure you that you won't be able to beat it.

3. The Addams Family



This was one of my first Gameboy games, and it wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

Story 3/5:

The Addams' crooked lawyer, Tully Alford has evicted the Addams and stolen their fortune. Some of the family try to reason with the crooks, but end up getting kidnapped in the process.

Graphics 4/5:

It's a very old Gameboy game, so I'll give it a decent score in terms of the sprites and backgrounds. The sprites can get glitchy at the most unnecessary times, which can be a problem.

Control 4/5:

It's a platformer, just like the Genesis and Super Nintendo game of the same name. Running and jumping seems fine, but can take some time to get used to.

Gameplay 2/5:

To get through the game, you need to beat every boss in the right order, which can be a pain when you play the game for the first time. You'll collect weapons and powerups to get through the game. The game can get glitchy when an enemy is around you, and sometimes when you get hit, one will go right through you and you'll get pummeled. Even more so, fighting enemies can be a chore. What's more of a problem is that you can't attack until after you recover. There is no save feature nor is there a password feature, and there are no continues.

Sound 3/5:

Just as good as you'll get with 8-bit music. The sound effects are alright.

Overall 2/5:

The Addams Family for the Gameboy may look like a fun platformer, but play enough of it and you won't want to finish.

2. Snake's Revenge



Yes, I was actually one of the lucky bastards to get this crappy game... For those of you who don't know, This was an American-only sequel to the original Metal Gear, since the actual sequel itself never got released overseas.

Story 2/5:

There's so much strung into the plot that I'm going to have to shrink it to a bite-size amount. Three years after the first Metal Gear, a madman named Higharolla Kockamamie assembles a fortress by the name of "Fortress Fanatic". I wish I was making this up. Well he's made a Metal Gear weapon and it's up to Snake to stop Higharolla's plans.

Graphics 4/5:

Not much to say as it looks JUST like the original NES Metal Gear game.

Control 3/5:

Simple enough. You can punch and shoot, but some enemies will still get you. Controls aren't too bad. Navigating the menu is still a pain in the ass.

Gameplay 2/5:

Just like the original, it's a helicopter view and you move in only four directions. New sidescrolling segments are featured in the game. The game is SUPPOSED to rely on stealth but it's nearly impossible to avoid detection from spotlights or alarms. When you're detected from an enemy, you go through a "chase" sequence and controlling Snake becomes more of a chore for the player.

Sound 4/5:

Some of the music is actually good, while some others may seem a bit dull and loathsome. The sound effects are decent while some seem to have been brought back from the original NES Metal Gear.

Overall 2/5:

It wasn't supervised by Kojima, nor was it considered canon to the Metal Gear series, and that's an understatement. Avoid this game at all costs.

And the number one game of the 90s that I hated is....

Beavis and Butthead: Bunghole in One



Yep, I was just another fan of these guys. After cruising through a flea market one day, I just so happened to come across this pile of cat shit. How does it fare? Let's find out.

Story 1/5:

There's not really any plot at all. Nothing more than one of those "play-it-and-you're-done" games.

Graphics 3/5:

The backgrounds look painted right out of an episode of the show, and they look pretty nice. You don't really get a sprite for your character, but instead you get a little box image of your character in the corner of the screen.

Control 3/5:

Not too bad for a mini-golf game, but the shot mechanic for the club could have been easier and better.

Gameplay 2/5:

You'd think for a mini-golf game with Beavis and Butthead slapped in the title, you'd get to demolish stuff... But yet it's another yawn-inducing golf game with your opponents yapping at you for each shot you make.

Sound 2/5:

From the chirps of birds outside to the music playing at the Burger World restaurant, the background music isn't too bad. Characters will spout out random things to you, while your character will do the same. Some voice clips are taken from episodes of the show, while others are taken from another Beavis and Butthead PC game... The big problem here is that they repeat the lines. Way too much.

Overall 1/5:

If it's a Beavis and Butthead game, you'd expect to experience some kind of fun, right? This game falls flat by not only boring you, but by making mini-golf seem annoying with annoying lines and quotes from people.

And that wraps it up folks.

Coming article:

My life through autism