"Brian, either you cooperate with me or I blow my Adam Levine dog whistle!"
"(cut to him on a white background) Hey, my voice isn't that high."
"It is. It is, though."
"You shot me in both my knees, the lit me on fire; piss off!"
"This is the worst thing that's happened to this town since that roving gang of Tom Brokaws!"
"(cut to Peter seeing a gang of him) Looks like someone's a little lost."
"(deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?"
"Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!"
"Peter, that says "Audit"."
"Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent."
"Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them."
"Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We."
"Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo"."
"Peter, those are Cheerios."
"Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather."
"Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?"
"Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend."
"Is that really the blood of Christ?"
"Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!"
"Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!"
"Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc."
"Chris, look what you did!"
"You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike."
"This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better."
"See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action."
"Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)"
"Any particular direction?"
"Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?"
"You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!"
"Peter, why are we stopped?"
"Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers..."
"Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!"
"Oh that's right...and a kid's meal..."