"Dad, take a look at me.
What do you think?
(She's wearing a red dress, tight black high heels and a LOT of makeup)"
"What do you mean "What do I think?""
Tell me what you think of my outfit. Don't worry. You can say ANYTHING. I can take it."
"Ok. Well, I think you look like....MARY POPPINS!"
"(Laughter. Especially with Kelly's expression)"
"MARY POPPINS?! MARY POPPINS?! I come out here dressed like a Hollywood Superstar, and you think I look like MARY POPPINS?!"
"Kelly, what's the matter, honey?"
"Dad says I look like MARY POPPINS!"
"No, you don't."
"Ok. Then, What do YOU think?"
"The dress looks great on you.
But, I DO think you went a little "overboard" with the makeup, though."
(NO DIALOGUE. JUST ACTION):
"(Kelly sighs, screams and runs out the door)
(She is still screaming)"
"Nice going, Peg."
"ME? YOU were the one who called her "MARY POPPINS!""
(NO DIALOGUE, JUST ACTION):
"(They sit quietly, hoping Kelly will come back)"
"I'm going to sit down and watch the news, and when it's all over I want some form of dead animal on my plate."
"A man's castle is his pants.
"What chu talking about, Bundy?
Al and Peg:
"Al: How was your day today, Peg? Anything interesting happen on the couch?
Peg: Well, actually...
Al: I don't care.
-Al and Peg"
Al (to Peg):
"I married you til death do us part. Which means when I'm dead I'm free to date.
-Al (to Peg)"
Al, Marcy, Ariel:
"Marcy: We should just try doing something to keep our minds off the storm. How about mad lips? Someone give me a verb.
Marcy: Now someone give me a command.
Ariel: Cluck you?
Al: *Smiles at Ariel* I like you.
Marcy: Let's just pl
-Al, Marcy, Ariel"
"Uh Steve. Bundys we don't fly coach. Yeah! Bundys fly first class or Bundys don't fly.
"(Yelling to Steve)Hi Mom! What do you want?"
"(Yelling to Peg)Your recipe for raisinn bread!"
"(Yelling to Steve)Tell her to get a loaf of bread, a box of raisins, and a hammer!"
"Thanks Dad. But there's something you need to know. You see, if you pour a gallon of knowledge into a shot glass of a brain, you're gonna spill something. In other wise, certain knowledge had to be sacrificed in Kelly's head."
"What was that?"
"...That's the door bell."
"Oh...who's the old guy?"
Who's the guy whose show is done? Who's tv hero's on the run? Who'll be watching VH1? Loser Al, loser Al, loser Al!!"
"Okay Al, guess what's under the sheet?"
"Peg, if I didn't like that game in bed, why would I like it now?"
"I wonder what the poor people are doing..."
"I hate barbecues. I hate Labor Day. I hate watching buzzards circle while I'm having sex."
"I hate Christmas. Mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, "I want this! Get me this! I have to have this!" then there's the children. And they're all by my store, cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho!" all day long, so nice as can be, I go outside and ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So, I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. T"
"Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for."
"Sex again. Peg, we've been married for 17 years now, can't we just be friends?"
"No. I don't like you, I just wanna have sex with you."
"I don't wanna sit around the house all day and sleep. It's like being at school."
"No, the difference between here and school is, you'll be outta here when you're eighteen."
"I don't know why we even need bras."
"Well, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat."