Married ... with Children Quotes
Kelly: I don't wanna sit around the house all day and sleep. It's like being at school.
Al: No, the difference between here and school is, you'll be outta here when you're eighteen.
Al: Sex again. Peg, we've been married for 17 years now, can't we just be friends?
Peggy: No. I don't like you, I just wanna have sex with you.
Al: Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for.
Al: I hate Christmas. Mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, "I want this! Get me this! I have to have this!" then there's the children. And they're all by my store, cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho!" all day long, so nice as can be, I go outside and ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So, I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. The beard comes off, all the kids start crying, and I'm the bad guy!
Peggy: I hate barbecues. I hate Labor Day. I hate watching buzzards circle while I'm having sex.
Al Bundy: "I wonder what the poor people are doing..."
Let's Rock!!!
Al's most often used line before a fight.
Peg: Okay Al, guess what's under the sheet?
Al: Peg, if I didn't like that game in bed, why would I like it now?
Marcy: *Singing* "Who's the guy whose show is done? Who's tv hero's on the run? Who'll be watching VH1? Loser Al, loser Al, loser Al!!"
Bud: Thanks Dad. But there's something you need to know. You see, if you pour a gallon of knowledge into a shot glass of a brain, you're gonna spill something. In other wise, certain knowledge had to be sacrificed in Kelly's head.
Al: Like what?
*Door bell*
Kelly: What was that?
Bud: ...That's the door bell.
Kelly: Oh...who's the old guy?
Bud: ...That's Dad.
Peg: (Yelling to Steve)Hi Mom! What do you want?
Steve: (Yelling to Peg)Your recipe for raisinn bread!
Peg: (Yelling to Steve)Tell her to get a loaf of bread, a box of raisins, and a hammer!
Uh Steve. Bundys we don't fly coach. Yeah! Bundys fly first class or Bundys don't fly.
Al, Marcy, Ariel:
Marcy: We should just try doing something to keep our minds off the storm. How about mad lips? Someone give me a verb.
Al: Cluck.
Marcy: Now someone give me a command.
Ariel: Cluck you?
Al: *Smiles at Ariel* I like you.
Marcy: Let's just pl
-Al, Marcy, Ariel
Al (to Peg):
I married you til death do us part. Which means when I'm dead I'm free to date.
-Al (to Peg)
Al and Peg:
Al: How was your day today, Peg? Anything interesting happen on the couch?

Peg: Well, actually...

Al: I don't care.
-Al and Peg
Gary Coleman:
What chu talking about, Bundy?
-Gary Coleman
The Bundys:
-The Bundys
Al Bundy:
A man's castle is his pants.
-Al Bundy
Ohhh Peg! Do I have to?
Does anybody have anything that they'd like to gesture? Anything at all? I don't think that particular gesture is necessary........Al.