Family Guy Quotes
30943
Peter:
Is this your card?
Blind guy:
I don't know.
Peter:
Was it a red card?
Blind guy:
I don't know what "red" is.
Peter:
Ta-Dah!
30901
Carter:
(singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".
30897
Peter:
Shut up, Meg.
22768
Jesus:
(a cutaway of Jesus Christ giving up his goals is shown. He's a slovenly father with a bunch of kids fighting and screaming)
"Why is the ironing board still out?!"
22767
Robber:
Oh, sweet! A bike! (Picks up bike and runs away.)
22766
Handi-Quacks theme song, sung by Peter.:
One day, 3 ducks were crossing the road, goin' to get some soda, but they weren't looking where they're goin', and a bus came along and hit them all! Now they're handicapped, and... no, that's pretty much it. Handi-Quacks! And they never got their soda~!
22765
B.C. Stewie:
"Damn all. What deuce? Victory Stewie's."
22764
Adam West:
(seeing Brian's poop on his lawn) "Well, I'll be damned. And they called me crazy; 'You can't plant sausage seeds', they said. Well, look at this!"
22763
Peter:
(to Seamus the wooden limbed sailor) "Are you up for bids, too? You are just precious!"
22762
Quagmire's theme song:
Who else but Quagmire?

He's Quagmire! Quagmire, you never quite know what he's gonna do next.
He's Quagmire! Quagmire, gigity, gigity, gigity let's have sex.

Who else but Quagmire?

He's Quagmire! Quagmire, gigity, gigity goo.
22761
Quagmire:
"If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together...OH!"
22760
Stewie, Chris, and the Hardware Store Clerk:
"Good evening shop keep. I require a circular saw. One powerful enough to saw through a sternem. I need it for...... Oh blast! What do kids study nowadays? For latin class!"

"I can't sell power tools to minors."

"Listen you cod piece. Allow me to purchase the provisions which I require or...... Who the deuce are you? No I don't have any spare change. Where would I keep it? My diaper? Get away from me you homo! Oh blast is this thing still on?"?
22759
Stewie, Brian, Peter, and Lois:
Woah what are you doing? Those are my grahm crackers! I'm going to get something to hit you over the head with.

Good morning Peter! Peter you look terrible! What happened in there?

Last night Lois was the man!

Dear lord!

Don't worry. I didn't cry!

[Crack!]

Oh my god Stewie! What did you do?

It looks like Stewie "freeed the beast" on the back of Peter's head
22758
Peter:
The bird is the word
22757
Brian:
So you made flag girl huh meg!
Stewie:
So now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!
22756
Half-dead Fat Guy:
Hey...you gonna eat that dead fat guy?
22755
Adam West:
Hey baby, care to take a gander at some Adam West penis?
22754
Stewie giving Brian a Compliment Sandwich:
You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.
22753
Brian:
"Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"
22752
Stewie:
"What the deuce?"