Family Guy Quotes
33545
Stewie:
Brian, either you cooperate with me or I blow my Adam Levine dog whistle!
Adam Levine:
(cut to him on a white background) Hey, my voice isn't that high.
Stewie:
It is. It is, though.
33448
Brian Griffin:
You shot me in both my knees, the lit me on fire; piss off!
33415
Peter:
This is the worst thing that's happened to this town since that roving gang of Tom Brokaws!
Tom Brokaw:
(cut to Peter seeing a gang of him) Looks like someone's a little lost.
33324
Fozzie Bear:
(deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?
32775
Peter:
Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!
Lois:
Peter, that says "Audit".
Peter:
Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent.
32544
Joe:
Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them.
Adam West:
Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.
32543
Peter:
Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo".
Brian:
Peter, those are Cheerios.
32329
Dan Rather:
Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
31759
Lois:
Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
Peter:
Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
31648
Peter:
Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest:
Yes.
Peter:
Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
31235
Lieutenant :
Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
Brian:
Iraq?!
Stewie:
Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
31093
Meg:
Chris, look what you did!
Chris:
You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
31059
Meg:
This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
31045
Peter:
C'mon! Do math!
30998
Peter:
See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
30978
Stewie:
Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
30977
Meg:
Drive.
Brian:
Any particular direction?
Meg:
That way!
30976
Mort:
Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
30975
Stewie:
You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
30945
Lois:
Peter, why are we stopped?
Peter:
Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois:
Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter:
Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...