National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes
32550
Todd:
Griswold! Where are you gonna put a tree that big?
Clark:
Bend over and I'll show you!
32549
Russ:
Dad, that thing will never fit in our front yard.
Clark:
It's not going in our yard, it's going in our living room!
31046
Clark:
Fixed the newel post!
3188
Margot:
And why is the carpet all wet, TODD!?
Todd:
I don't KNOW, Margot!
3187
Clark Griswold: "Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Chanukah."
3186
Clark:
Aunt Bethany, would you say the grace?
Aunt Bethany:
Grace? Didn't she pass away 30 years ago?
Uncle Lewis:
He wants you to say the grace. (he pauses) The blessing!!
3185
Cousin Eddie: If you don't mind Clark, I would like to fumigate this chair.
Clark: You smell something Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Fried pussycat.
3184
Margo:
(Police knock on Margo's door)
Todd if you want to come back into this house you gotta break down that goddamn door!(the police break her door in)
3183
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
3182
Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.
3181
Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks
3180
Bethany: Don't throw me down, Clark.
Clark: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany...
3179
Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]
Eddie: Shitter was full.
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.
Clark: He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.
3178
Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything.
Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.
3177
Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.
3176
Clark Griswold: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.
3175
Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
3174
Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.
3173
Todd: Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo!
Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, *Todd*?
Todd: I don't *know*, Margo!
3172
Ellen: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.