The Jerk Quotes
Navin: (Singing) "I'm picking out a thermos for you, and maybe a barometer, too, and what else can I buy so on me you'll rely? A rear end thermometer, too!"
Navin R. Johnson [singing]: "I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in."
Motel Guest: "Don't call that dog "lifesaver;" call him "shithead.""
Navin R. Johnson: "And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair."
[walking outside]
Navin R. Johnson: "And I don't need one other thing, except my dog."
[dog barks and runs away]
Navin R. Johnson: "I don't need my dog."
"Damn these glasses...

Yes sir, I damn thee!"

-Navin to his Optigrab Partner
Navin R. Johnson:
I was born a poor black child.
-Navin R. Johnson
Navin Johnson:
You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?
-Navin Johnson
Navin R. Johnson:
For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

-Navin R. Johnson
Navin R. Johnson:
I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.

-Navin R. Johnson