KGO ABC7 2019 NFL Draft promo
This promo about ESPN on ABC's live coverage of the 2019 NFL Draft for the first time locally on San Francisco's ABC 7.
Quote O' Matic
Camille Toh:
"[At Camille Toh's house, Camille enters her kitchen with bags of Groceries, humming. She places the bags on her kitchen counter and looks down at her Camel Toe then, she unhinges her Camel Toe] Oh shit, I really needed that Douche."
Carl:
"Holy shit, we're actually here! C'mon, Barry, you're missing it man. Dude, get in on this shit."
Barry:
"God, what have I done? Frank needed my help, but I wasn't there for him. After all the times he stood up for me, you know. God, I'm such a fearful coward. He'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive me."
Carl:
"Look, Barry, the only way to respectfully honor Frank... is to completely forget about him."
Barry:
"Oh!"
Carl:
"And hey for all we know, he's okay! He's probably heading back to our Aisle and he'll be here tomorrow. Just act happy, ignore your feelings. Come on, let's see that smile. [Barry begins to smile] Ah. I see that lip curling up. [Barry bares his teeth with a smile] Oh, there you go! Whoo!"
Barry:
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We're in the Great Be-friggin-yond. [whooping]"
Troy:
"[Camille Toh grabs the Sausage package] Get ready, boys! We's about to fill what we need to fills. [Camille Toh opens the package as Carl sighs loudly and dumps the sausages on the kitchen counter] Feel that breeze."
Barry:
"Carl, do you feel that?"
Carl:
"This feels amazing."
Troy:
"Ow!"
Tortilla Chip:
"[Camille Toh then opens a bag of Tortilla Chips and pours them in a bowl] Whoo-hoo!"
Cheddar Cheese:
"Oh yeah. [rubs his cheeks]"
Barry:
"We're out of the package."
Carl:
"It's beautiful, man. It's just beautiful! [gaze upon the kitchen] I'm crying! I'm crying 'cause it's so pretty here!"
Barry:
"Stretch your legs with me, Carl. Just do it man."
Irish Potato:
"[Camille Toh picks up an Irish Potato] Oh, ho, ho, yes. Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!"
Carl:
"Oh! Potato, way to go buddy! That's my guy!"
Irish Potato:
"[The groceries watch as Irish Potato gets washed by Camille] Being bathed by the hands of a God. [Baby Carrots and the other foods cheer for Irish Potato then, he started singing] Oh Danny Boy, The pipes, the pipes are call... [Camille Toh slices his stomach off with a vegetable peeler then, he stopped singing] OH JESUS FUCK! [The groceries gasp] OH GOD, ME SKIN! SHE'S PEELING ME FUCKING SKIN!"
Carl:
"What...The...FUCK?!"
Irish Potato:
"[last words before his death] JESUS, YOU FUCKING WHORE! [Camille Toh opens the lid from a pot and a cloud of steam escapes] ME EYES! THEY BURN! [Camille Toh throws Irish Potato into the water and his cries are reduced to gurgling]"
Italian Tomato:
"[last words before his death] NO, PLEASE-A NO, I'VE-A GOT A FAMIGLIA! [Camille Toh slams the knife down on the Italian Tomato, slicing him in half]"
Groceries:
"[Screaming] [Camille then tosses four bacon strips to a pan full of boiling oil to fry them (with one's eye that violently popped) A lettuce has his eyes gouged by Camille's thumbs as he gets torn apart, a loaf of bread is being slice apart and a block of cheddar cheese is having his head grated]"
Cheddar Cheese:
"[last words before his death] NOOO! DON'T! [Below the cheddar cheese are a bunch of Tortilla Chips screaming as shredded cheese falls on them]"
Carl:
"CHEESE! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT! [Camille Toh places the bowl with the Tortilla Chips into a microwave, closes the door and they are microwaved alive with heated grated cheese as it burns through their cooked corpses. A wine bottle grunts in pain as his wooden cap gets pulled off by Camille and Wine splatters on Troy and two sausages behind her.]"
Troy:
"Oh no!"
Buns:
"[screaming]"
Carl:
"No! [Carl & Barry watch in horror as Camille Toh dumps a bunch of screaming Baby Carrots into a bowl but two miss]"
Baby Carrot:
"FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT, RUN!
[They begin to run]"
Camille Toh:
"[humming, then turns around and notices the Baby Carrots about to fall off the counter] Whoops! [The Baby Carrots jump off the counter, but Camille Toh catches them]"
Baby Carrot:
"[last words before her death] I WANT MY MOMMY! [Camille Toh puts the Baby Carrots in her mouth and starts chewing them alive.]"
Carl:
"THEY'RE EATING CHILDREN!!! FUCKING CHILDREN!!!!! [Sees an open window near the sink] WE GOTTA RUN!"
Barry:
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [drops to the floor and curls into a ball, clutching himself] WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
[Carl returns to him and picks him up]"
Carl:
"BARRY! [slaps him in the face] Snap the fuck out of it and RUN! [Carl pulls Barry with him and they make a dash towards the open window. They come to a stop when they reach the edge]"
Carl:
"Okay little buddy, jump on the count of three! [Barry nods] One! Two! Thre... Ugh..."
Barry:
"Carl?"
Carl:
"[Groaning] BARRY! BA-RRY!"
Barry:
"Carl to Bar what? What are you saying Carl? [A knife pokes through Carl's stomach] Whoa! Oh God, no! CARL!"
Carl:
"[Groans]"
Barry:
"Oh God! Carl! [The knife slices all the way up Carl] CAAAAAARRRL!"
Carl:
"[last words before his death] BAAAARRYYYYYY!
[Carl's body splits in two and falls back into the sink]"
Barry:
"Carl, dear sweet Carl! What have they done to you, Carl? No! [Barry looks up] WHOA! [He sees that Camille Toh is moving her knife towards him] No! No! No! [Backs away from the knife and falls off the window edge] NOOOOO! AAAAAHHHH!!!"
Added By: Clint_Olson
