If you are an 80s nostalgia whore like me, when you think of a slasher series, you think of Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger and to a lesser extent Chucky and Michael Myers. However as the 80s drew to a close, so did many of these franchises. A little history lesson on the Friday the 13th series; in 1989 we were treated to an 8th installment called Jason Takes Manhattan. This movie featured Jason sneaking on a cruise ship and slaughtering a bunch of graduates on a trip to the Big Apple. Well as suspected, he slaughters a few teens, we see some drug use and breasts yadda yadda yadda. The funny thing is, about 30 minutes of the actual film takes place in New York, with maybe like 6 minutes of that actually being shot in New York. The movie bombed, careers were ruined and thus was the end of the Friday the 13th series.

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This Controversial Image was pulled due to complaints by the City of New York Tourism board

Do not blame the films director/writer Rob Hedden, it wasn't his fault, in fact his original draft was much better. In fact, only 30 minutes took place on the boat and the rest was going to be shot on location around The Big Apple. Budget restraints and tight schedules plagued the film and we ended up with this franchise killing sequel, thrown together faster than a Hellraiser Sequel.

So afterwards, Paramount sold the franchise to New Line who had hopes of making the long awaited Freddy vs Jason...which would enter development hell for 10 years. So to hold us over we got some attempted closure on the series, known as....

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Yes, Jason goes to hell: The Final Friday. Why is it called that? Well as it turns out, Paramount only sold the rights to the names Jason Voorhees, Pamela Voorhees(Jason's Mom) and Crystal Lake. They didn't even give them the rights to mention previous sequels, have some survivors return. I bet all you hardcore Jason fans were expecting Tommy Jarvis to return and confront Jason, well no as it turns out Jason had a half sister and a niece, and the guy who played the nerd in the Friday the 13th Series (unrelated to the franchise) is married to the niece and the black guy from 21 Jump Street plays a bounty hunter. So yes those are our heroes.

Before I get any farther into this, I must warn you, foul language and disgusting subject matter will be written. So if any of you people out there are sensitive to that, please close this window now.

The movie opens up with a naked chick showering in a cabin, some nice nudity and so forth. Jason appears (with no explanation of how he got back from New York) and chases her around. She runs and runs before getting into a large empty plain, she backs into him and screams before diving for cover. Suddenly, the FBI bursts out and totally overkills Jason, we see Pistols, Shotguns, Assault Rifles and a few M-60s blasting him away, then we see a fucking AIR STRIKE! Blow him to bits, really? I did not know the FBI could authorize an air strike, and who permitted them to waste that much ammunition? Either way, its a movie so I should suspend disbelief. We have our opening credits. Two Coroners a white one and a black one who I think I saw on Seinfeld once are doing an autopsy, one goes out to get a pizza, because when your dealing with a half decomposed, blown to shit, chemically burned corpse; You want Pizza. We get a pan shot of the mutilated body, and we get to see...a burned up decomposed Jason penis, nice...

Now before I go any further. Originally, there was two original ideas for the movie. One was called Jason Takes L.A, and another one was called...well I forget but It was to feature Jason's long lost brother Elias (which ended up being his fathers name, his father was to appear at the end of Part 6 under this name) Elias Jr I'll call him, was supposed to be bigger, crazier and smarter than Jason. That might have been better than the tripe we got fed here. Produced by the series creator; Sean S. Cunningham. Thats like paying someone to rape your child, here we go again.

So the Coroner named Phil is doing his report, and he notices Jason's heart beating and begins to stare at it. He starts to go into a Trance, inching closer and closer to the heart, before grabbing it and munching on it like a California cheeseburger, dude I know your hungry but your boy is returning with a Pizza in like 5 minutes. His buddy returns with the Pizza, we see two security guards IDing him, thus buying Jason more time to possess Phil. (oh and one of the guards is played by Kane Hodder who played Jason in the last couple of movies). So Jason has somehow possessed Phil the Coroner, but the white coroner is unaware and begins to trash talk Jason, saying he is going to shit in his mask. Phil/Jason grabs him by the head and crushes his skull into the autopsy table and stabs him with a probe. Nice shot of his face getting pulled out of the gridded table. Afterwards Jason takes his new body for a stroll.

SO yeah, the final sendoff to one of the greatest slasher franchises of all time, hardly even features Jason in his physical form! FUN FUN FUCKING FUN! We cut to a news story playing in a local burger joint, that is cashing in on the death of the Crystal Lake murderer by selling Jason burgers. I admit this is kind of clever, the burgers are hockey mask shaped.

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of course, I cant help but think this is kind of Meta as Jason has become a pop culture reference in both the film and in real life by this time Anyways, we meet more expendable characters a skinny guy, a fat middle aged woman, a fat teen boy and a hot waitress who is undoubtedly going to die a horrible death, as will the other ones. So we meet Steven, some dork whose banging Jason's neice...awkward. They are watching a TV Report on the return of Jason, and we meet Bounty Hunter Creighton Duke, who somehow knows that Jason is able to possess others and is looking for a member of his family to resurrect himself through. The news anchor pays Duke a large sum to kill Jason. Duke somehow has some mystic knife that can kill Jason for good, no explanation as to how he got it, then again we still don't know how Jason got back from New York, or How Tommy Jarvis hasn't come back after 2 more returns from Jason...ANNNNYWAY we get some more exposition, Jason slaughters some campers, one of which he rails with a tent pole and rips apart while shes riding her boyfriend (talk about cock blocking) and we get another off screen kill.

Some more shit happens and Jason possesses another person. for some strange reason, he has to tie the person naked to a table, drop hot wax on them and shave them before transferring bodies

And that brings us to our Hash Tag of the article so everybody, go on your twitter accounts and tweet #homoeroticshaving.

So after Jason shaves his new body, he transfers into it by performing mouth to mouth and dumping a large slug thing into his body. More exposition and stuff I couldn't be bothered to remember along with seeing that Jason's Niece has a baby, and Jason confronts his sister. He attacks her and Steven comes to her aid. Only for Jason to ram a knife sharpener in her spine, killing her. Something happens and Steven is blamed, Creighton Duke is in jail too for something I forget and the two plot to escape. Jason transfers bodies again into a local cop, he kills a bunch of other cops and goes over to the burger joint, where he kills the employees, including the hot waitress by ramming a rotisserie through her stomach and crushing her skull, but not before she tells him to go to hell, ha ha that's the plot!

So somehow everybody ends up at the old Voorhees house (No, not the shack he had in Friday the 13th part 2, because that would cause problems with Paramount) In certain parts you can see the Crate from Creepshow and the Jungle Gym from Birds. A fight ensues and we see Jasons true form, a demonic snake thing....REALLY? UGH THIS FUCKING MOVIE! Sorry, sorry. So The snake runs around a bit, then it goes into the basement, where Jason stowed away the corpse of his sister earlier and he crawls up its vagina and is reborn.

Now the writers must have given up at this point, because when Jason gets his original body back HE GETS HIS ORIGINAL BODY BACK! He somehow bursts out of the floor wearing the same ripped up jumpsuit, same hockey mask. His skin is melted, hacked and cut from the previous films. If the writers had any self respect, they would have been like "hey, new body, he should look like he did in the first 3 films" So in his new-old body, Jason kills Duke, chases our protagonists around and gets stabbed with the random hells gate openign knife and Jason gets dragged downstairs. We end on a nice scene of Steven and Stephanie walking off into the sunrise. The movie ends on the only reason people have ever remembered this movie; that being the scene where Freddy Kruegers gloved hand bursts out of the ground and drags Jason's mask to hell. Thus setting up Freddy vs Jason, a movie that was supposed to be made years ago, and a movie we didnt get for 9 years. Of course, we got Jason X to hold us over...thanks New Line.

Now, as far as I am concerned the most recent canon sequel is Jason Takes Manhattan, and as far as I am concerned, in the Friday the 13th original universe Jason Voorhees is still floating around in the New York sewers. The Remake of Friday The 13th came out, and it was pretty good, because Paramount and New Line worked together on it. Sadly we will never see a proper follow up to Jason Takes Manhattan, unless one of the remake sequels is based on it, but we still have to go through parts 4-7 in this new universe. Final verdict, if you want to see a prime example of how the 90s set out to bury the 80s, watch this movie, because MY GOD did this movie bury Friday the 13th and Jason Voorhees. The 90s seemed to love burying the 80s, Grunge buried Hair Metal, Scream buried slasher films, etc.

Oh and this movie, gets a whopping F- the lowest grade I can give, because of its horrible burial of the series and the fact that Jason possessed people. I can grade this as vilest Retro Vomit